Today, I took 2 classes and a 3.5 hour posture clinic. I changed my clothes 3 times, drank tons of water, put away fruit like a champ, made a new friend, laughed more than I have in months, got to know some of the people I practice beside every day and even let go a little bit at the end to try something a little different. Normally, I’d be too afraid of what the others would think.
I am passionate about my yoga and work really hard, every time I’m in the studio. For me, it’s just about my self and the mirror and the dialogue. I don’t look around or pay too much attention to anyone else… But I will stop and cheer for my neighbor if I notice they are struggling. Everyone seems to know me though, especially during the clinic my fellow yogis wanted to watch ME. They wanted to ask about my yoga. Not my body. I know, that can seem like an unclear distinction, because you use your body to do the yoga. But their interest was in my devotion to the practice, not my weight.
6 hours into the day, near the end of the posture clinic, I complained that Shalabhasana hurt my arms and hips and even though I can do it. I hate it and either skip or don’t give my full effort in class because its painful. He stared at me, perplexed for a long time. Blinked his eyes then said “oh. You’re pretty thin. It’s just bones… I don’t know what to tell you.” But it was like the first time he even considered my size after hours of working together.
I love my self and my practice mates with growing intensity everyday. I want to be successful. There is really no place for anorexia in the hot room.
I ate a TON today… But not more than I burned. I contacted a nutritionist and will try again tomorrow.