Operation FLABBY ASS
Feel Look And Bend like a Bikram Yoga Advanced Series Student (yep. I made that up) here I come!!!
I’ve been insisting for weeks that “I’m trying” and “I’m eating” and “I’m getting stronger” and while that is in fact true. The people around me continue to act as if I’m staring as both murderer and victim in some kind of warped play. “I don’t get it!” I whine. “Why are you being so mean?” “Can’t you see I’m trying?”
In reality, these are all folks who’ve known me for a long time and care about me an awful lot. They know me far to well to believe that I’m trying. I don’t “try” anything, I either do it, or I don’t. But, there’s no such thing as trying. My dear friends obviously see right through my oh so innocent “I don’t understand!” Whoops, that’s right, I’m kind of a math whiz.
I’m kind of a math whiz.
Actually. I’m really freaking good at math (I’ll own that). I love my calculator almost as much as I love the hot room… Almost. Obviously, I do understand. Completely.
I want advanced class. I’ve wanted it since I was 12 years old! And now, it’s RIGHT THERE! It’s so close I can already smell all that extra sweaty!
Am I really willing to just fork over the dream I’ve carried not more than half my life, just because I accidentally rented out mind space to a controlling bitch??? No chance in hell (or the hot room)!
I don’t excel at anorexia, because I’m skinny. I’m her star pupil because I am focused, tenacious, driven, and really good at math. Those things, are mine. My cards to bring to the table… To bring to any table I want.
All the time I’ve spent, worrying about losing control, becoming as big as a house, then even fatter, until my extremities stick out the doors and windows like Alice in Wonderland… It’s obviously impossible.
My inner vibration will always be focused, tenacious, driven and really good at math… No matter what my BMI is. I have all the tools I need, and they’ve been there the whole time.
So. Right here. Right now. I am picking up my cards and playing a different game.
And, I am already the star pupil of Operation FLABBY ASS, because I don’t believe in trying.
Just like this little miracle tree growing straight up out if thin air. “All is Possible”