I keep meaning to post about how awesome yoga is…
But, right now I kind of have a different purpose for writing.
I am frustrated!
Anorexia has a ridiculously high mortality rate… yet resources are impossible to find! My health insurance does not address treatment for eating disorders At. ALL. The therapist I’ve been seeing is not covered At. All. I have access to exactly one dietitian within 100 miles and that person is a diabetes specialist. She does not treat eating disorders At. ALL.
Where’s all that leave me? Anorexic adult, with a steady, full time job, health insurance, and a passion for yoga that is single handedly fueling my motivation to get healthy.
I’ve reached a point where I can continue to pay the team of people that I’ve aligned to help me OR pay for healthy food OR give up yoga. Giving up yoga is simply not an option. So, I think to my self, Hey, things have been going pretty well, I’ve gained enough weight to not be a walking hazard, I feel awesome. It’s obviously all the food. Let’s keep this up by canceling every appointment on the calendar for the next 6 weeks. Totally logical, right?
Only, then a funny thing started to happen. I begin to think, Hey, this is pretty sweet, I’ve got the next 6 weeks to do whatever I want, without anyone harassing me. It’s so relaxing to take a break from the relentless internal battle. Plus, canceling all of those appointments left fantastic gaps in my schedule that can now be filled with more yoga.
And suddenly, I’m free to spend 300 minutes in the hot room on 500, 400, 300 calories… of course, I’m going to take the opportunity.
While my free time is spent trying to demystify my health insurance, or uncover hidden resources within my community. I’ve learned enough to understand that anorexia bad, but not enough to sufficiently take care of myself. I was doing ok, setting small achievable goals with lots of accountability. But I sure wasn’t doing it because I was gung-ho to pack on the pounds.
Please, don’t be mad at me! If I was made of money this wouldn’t be an issue. I just feel stuck.