I took class this morning. I stayed in the room and didn’t barf or die… So we’ll call it winning, I guess.
I am completely and totally NOT in control right now. Compassion’s sweet voice is entirely missing from the internal dialogue. I can’t connect. Can’t find my footing. I’m losing my grasp. Fall fall falling into anorexia’s open arms. And I’m tired. So very tired. I am eternally engaged in a relentless battle with only myself, it’s exhausting. I am exhausted.
I don’t want to do this any more.
My yoga has gone to shit. Strength and flexibility I owned easily last week have fled. They cower in the dark trenches of my disordered alter ego.
I need to save myself, and don’t know how!