An entirely different situation….

Today was… Interesting.

We had a HUGE meeting at work, with tons of visitors and stuff. Everyone was instructed to “dress up” for the occasion. The e-mail went on to further define “no jeans, sweatshirts, T-shirts, or hoodies”

I wore my favorite shirt, nice pants and real, big girl heels. I’ve worn this shirt to work on multiple occasions, by the way.

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My super-fit, ultra-runner GM, and an extremely overweight co-worker “A” both arrived in similarly cut tops. About an hour before our visitors were due to arrive, A was asked to change, due to our “no tank top” rule. She was really upset. I could tell the minute I walked in that she was excited to be dressed up and felt pretty in her outfit. I could also tell that she was very upset about being asked to change.

So, I immediately e-mailed my supervisor and asked if I too needed to change, as A and I had similarly cut tops on. She wrote back “of course not. You are fine. That is an entirely different situation.”

My GM and I both frequently wear sleeveless dresses and non-tank top shirts without any comments.

The whole situation surprised me. And, quite honestly, made me kind of uncomfortable. I asked a couple of women and it seems that this is not exactly surprising.

We talk about messages from the media… But this is a closed office with a small staff doing the same thing. Within a few minutes the message was clearly passed around that lower cut shirts and tank tops are against dress code, unless you have tanned, toned arms, and visible ribs.

A few hours later, the new girl (like, really new, shes been there a week or so, and we’ve only talked twice) was walking around collecting orders for a fast food run. When she asked me, the whole room became dead silent, and everyone turned around to stare. I just said “no, thank you” because I really don’t eat where she was going. As i was answering she clearly became uncomfortable, then kind of backed away while stuttering, “oh, right. thats right. you don’t eat.” But, secretly I was ecstatic to be included, and probably would have said yes, just for fun if it was anywhere else.

Why do we care so much about each others weight? I wonder if friendships within groups if blind are less superficial. And I kind of wonder if blind people get anorexia…

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What a day!!!!

My mom, and my brother, TT, came up to visit today!!! My mom wanted me to teach her how to eat… Don’t worry, I think it’s hilarious too- how to eat like your anorexic child 101.

She brought me lots if stuff from home, including the silly, ugly ice bucket that has been handed down for several generations by the women in her family, the dishes that I grew up using, that my dad picked out, and a bunch of pans and utensils and stuff.

I introduced them to Big Lots and Whole Foods, which was pretty entertaining. She got me a house warming Ninja blender, and took me grocery shopping.

Then we went back to my place to cook. I had planned to make the avocado pancakes I tried last month, but didn’t have a frying pan. I tried in the bottom of a small pot, but couldn’t flip them. So mom says, “it’s ok. Just turn it into soufflé.” And set off googling how to convert my pancake batter.

The whole time we were shopping she kept carrying on about how she doesn’t do protein powder anything. She also asked multiple times if I was sure about adding spinach, avocado and banana to pancakes, because it sounded gross.

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This is our spinach, avocado, banana pancake-soufflé

…That I didn’t even get to try! They both loved it and either devoured the entire thing, or brought it home with them… I’m not really sure what happened to it after I took the picture. But I did wash the empty bowl.

They finished my left over potato chip eggplant from yesterday, while I made mashed rutabaga, because I love it so much and really wanted them to try it. They liked that too and took two jars home with them.

Next, we made gluten free polenta lasagna in jars! These were fun, adorable and delicious! They each ate one jar for dinner and took a jar home. It was their first time trying polenta. My mom said she world be making that again… But not in jars, because they needed bigger servings, lol.

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They came out super cute!

While we were shopping, my mom said something about key lime cheesecake, and I told her I’d come across a recipe for raw, vegan, gluten free, mason jar key lime cheesecake- which ironically contained neither cheese, nor cake. She said she wanted to try that too. I explained that raw, and vegan “cheesecake” would probably not much resemble her idea of cheesecake… But she said she still wanted to try.

They had both been taking turns helping me, relaxing, and playing with the inversion table.

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But I’d been cooking the whole time and was exhausted. So I put my brother in charge of the cheesecake. Now, you should know, that this boy asked if a person really needed both measuring cups and measuring spoons, and what made them different, earlier in this afternoon.

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I held the iPad and he did the work.

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We ran out of jars, so these went in cupcake molds instead. They came out very green!

I think we were all surprised how good they were t

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We made a huge mess!

And I am exhausted!

Having company while I was cooking made it more fun, less stressful and much easier to deal with.

PS- I also solved my trivia problem!

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Pseudo bento box, all the little compartments without all the rice and art and stuff. I will have plenty of safe foods to play with, sort, rearrange and move around, without being overwhelmed by any one thing. Plus, it’s kind of popular and hip right now… Lot’s of people are doing it. So I’ll be cool instead of crazy. It’s all so cute and colorful… I might even be a tiny bit excited to use it.

PPS- I just realized I cooked a ton but ate exactly nothing today… Whoopsie.

Who’s in charge here!?

Could you tell tell I was having a hard time last week?

I was.

Yesterday, Dr. J didn’t bring instant relief. When I walked in she said she could see which ribs were out, just looking at me (yeah, because I lost 11lbs in the past 6 days!) She also said my c2 hadn’t moved. I even made her double check 3 times! She worked on my knees and hips a lot, put all of my ribs back where they belong, then, of course, did my elbows… And tried to feed me cheese- which I declined.

When my ribs are in place it is easier to breathe and less uncomfortable to eat. So, even though she didn’t move my head, it still helped… just not as fast.

Next week, I have lots of plans! I never in a million years imagined that I’d have a social life to interfere with my practice schedule! Wednesday, I get to go Zentangle again! Thursday is trivia (more on this in a bit), and Friday is a party at yoga- all classes canceled! I knew I needed to regain some kind of order so I can enjoy everything coming up.

This morning I went to RAM, it’s an art and farmers market held every Saturday under a nearby bridge. It’s always a lot of fun. I got an eggplant and some local honey. I even tried the three kinds of honey he had before picking one! The one I chose is called Gallberry, I’d never had it before. I’m not always very good at describing the way things taste. But he called the orange blossom honey “sweet” and the gallberry honey he described as “light”.

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I also got an eggplant. Now, I kind of have rules about eating foods that are blue/purple. So, I don’t really know why I decided to home with big purple veggie today… But I did.

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my eggplant joins my fruit bowl

I breaded and baked it

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to keep it gluten free, I crushed up baked Lay’s instead of bread crumbs

Avery likes to help me cook

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even though it’s out of focus, I just love her crossed eyes here!

I made stacked the eggplant with fresh tomatoes on some zucchini noodles (just julienned zucchini). It was really good… But the skin was still too much to deal with. I cut it all off.

Thursday, I’m going to trivia with some friends at a restaurant downtown. There will also be people I don’t know. I promised my friend two things when we made the plans:
1) I promised to eat something… But it doesn’t have to be from that restaurant
2) I also promised that following #1, there would be no doing “bad things”

I’m really scared. No matter what I do, I’m meeting strangers, who will instantly know that I am a freak. If I order food there, I’ll have a normal kind of unknown food meltdown. And if I whip out my usual 8 frozen grapes for dinner, they’ll be like “who eats grapes for dinner??” Froot Loops is the best stranger food, because they can be sorted and played with for a looooooong time. But I wouldn’t actually eat them. Nor do I want a box of sugary, toxic, GMO, death crispies anywhere near my living space. AND, they aren’t gluten free. I kind of need to decide what to do tonight, because my family is coming up tomorrow, and then once I’m into the work week, I won’t have time/remember to revisit this predicament until it’s too late to be proactive about it.

To review:
• I already looked up the menu where we are meeting. Of course I did. I love menus, right?! There isn’t anything that I’d eat.

• If I eat 8 frozen grapes they’ll think I’m crazy (which is kind of true, but I’m also working on changing that… Most days).

• I can’t eat Froot Loops

• We are meeting on Thursday- which means I will probably be the silent passenger in the MV car just doing whatever I can not to self destruct before getting to Dr. J’s office first thing Friday morning. No matter what I’m doing, it’s always 200 times harder on Thursday nights. For example, this week, trying to run a bubble bath was curl-up-in-a-ball-and-cry worthy by Thursday night.

• SC knows and loves me, and she said even if she hadn’t already known that I was anorexic, she would have figured it out after watching me eat.

• I don’t want the strangers to think I’m a freak.

• I should probably just cancel with them

If you have any ideas….

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We’re just chilling here, open to suggestions.

Mr. B

Bentley was my first dog. He stayed in the village with the former roommate.

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We adopted him from the shelter as an adult. He was an owner surrender. We have the lady’s name and address, but she didn’t even put his name on the paperwork when she dumped him.

Bent takes forevvvvvvvver and a half to pee. He’s afraid of pretty much everything, hates riding in the car, does not like the beach, puzzles or training. He’s not much of a go-getter but he’s a sweetheart, everyone always falls instantly in love with Mr. B.

I’m going to visit him on Tuesday!

Again, SPELL. IT. OUT.

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It’s a real candle.

This is huge. No, really, I know you’re probably thinking Hey, Teenie, it’s just a candle. True. That’s very true you’re right. It’s still huge. Here, let me explain.

I’ve been afraid of fire since I was 4.
Know how sometimes you see a bug and flap your hands and maybe squeal a little bit?

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^^^ Kind of like that.

Not that kind of scared.

It’s more like, whole body shaking, paralyzed, sweating, panting, about to pass out, I learned to make myself vomit at 5 to avoid cookout night at Girl Scout camp, complete terrified of fire.

When I was 4, my neighbor’s house burned down. We lived off a dirt road in an extremely rural area, fire hydrants were for city folk. We had a retention pond and ditches that could be drained and used to fight fires.

But, when I was 4, and my neighbors house was on fire, all of the people were safe. So they refused to drain the pond. Their house burned completely to the ground. There wasn’t anything left. Nothing at all.

The night it happened. I didn’t see the firefighters as heroes. They were losers. They spent the whole night standing on our street doing nothing. Watching our friends watch their house burn completely to the ground. I felt betrayed the guys who were supposed to protect us, didn’t. They just watched.

Earlier this week, SC woke up to pounding on her window, and screaming. Her neighbor’s house was on fire. She lives in the city. They have hydrants. The fire fighters put out the fire.

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Hold up. There were walls left??

That’s the first time anyone ever explained to me that “house fire” doesn’t always mean standing around watching an entire home turn into a mound of ash.

For the first time I realized that 1- I now live in the city and have fire hydrants, and no one would have to make that kind of decision. And 2- those firefighters I was so convinced had failed me when I was 4, were actually heroes. Their job is to protect US (not things). Standing and watching my neighbors lose everything took courage, probably as much courage as it takes to enter burning buildings… Maybe more, without the adrenalin surge.

By refusing to drain the pond to put out the fire, they *were* protecting me. They were making sure that the water would be there, in the event it was needed for saving people.

They did their jobs, and I was safe the whole time.

Tonight, 23 years later… I lit a candle for the first time.

I’m catching up.

Office rules

Things you should not do while at work:
• dress for snow (even if you are cold)
• throw away the communal coffee spoon and tell everyone it’s gross
• sit in easy pose in your chair
• W-sit in your chair.
• sit wit your feet in your chair and your knees against your chest.
• put your feet over your head… Even if it doesn’t slow down your own working, apparently it is distracting to others
• stand up and do half moon when you’ve been sitting too long
• putting spinach in your oatmeal
• sitting, standing, or otherwise climbing on the furniture (hey, I’m short!)

^^^ I try reallllllly hard, but I am not very good at following these rules!

Things that are acceptable while at work:
• wall-walking in the break room
• skipping in the parking lot
• standing in tree poses to do the faxing
• bow pulling, standing on your stool, while waiting for fax confirmations
• VFFs are ok to wear to work, but not flip flops (pink sparkley flip flops are still flip flops… Even if the boss has the same exact pair in black and HR wears reefs)

Yoga time!!!