*** caution may come out disjointed ***
Last night was HORRIBLE! Well, my yoga was good, which was cool, but I was still all hung up on my computer calling me fat, so all things disordered were at ultra roar volume.
Thank goodness Mother Nature was looking out for me when she planted my family tree. SC stuck with me like a trooper, and was quite insightful too. I learned a lot. You see, my cousin is gorgeous
She’s confident and assertive and cool and about 7 million things that I’m not. Plus, she’s about the same height as me… Which is extremely unusual, and uncomfortable for me. Depending on how much time I’ve spent on the inversion table I measure 60-62 inches tall. I felt like a big awkward ogre around her, while she buzzed all around like a pretty little honey bee.
She said last night, that I looked fragile and she’d been afraid to hug me too hard.
I didn’t worry too much about being completely nuts last night. I knew I’d be seeing Dr. J first thing this morning to get my hips and brain put back where they belong.
The whole freak out last night started over soda… Which obviously carried over into this morning.
I wanted soda, but my computer called me fat.
I KNEW that this was ridiculous– I don’t even LIKE soda. I KNEW that human logic does not take two completely random things “I want soda now” and “my computer called me fat on Tuesday.” Make them completely dependent on each other, then obsess over the single thought for H O U R S. The whole thing was obviously completely anorexia derived.
So, I decided I would outsmart the MV. I’d go see Dr. J FIRST, then enjoy a soda in silence.
Only, it didn’t happen like that. Dr. J doesn’t just silence the thoughts. She obliterates all things disordered. Unlike the night I wanted soup but Dr. Phil said no, where wanting soup was clearly me and Dr. Phil was definitively MV, both wanting soda and the argument against it were BOTH MV!!
So, after I got adjusted,
My yoga tonight, was off the freaking hook!!!! I suddenly remember why I LOVE yoga!!!!!! I laughed, had fun, worked hard, did everything, gave high 5’s to my friends, cheered for the first timers and made faces at anyone who was taking things too seriously. It was perfect. I was in the Yoga Zone, and it ROCKED!!!!
Lately, I’ve been bad about eating crap foods, because it takes less bites, less fighting, less internal war to to get the job done from a strictly mathematical perspective. This “trick” has left me feeling fat, tired, crabby and sluggish, with uninspired and miserable yoga.
Tonight, I learned that just eating enough, isn’t enough.
I need GOOD fuel to have good yoga!!!!
I’m in love with the way I feel tonight, and inspired to keep trying, so I can feel like this EVERYDAY, and it all just becomes natural with no more fighting, and no more MV!!!