Girls who make poor choices….

… Don’t get to practice yoga.

Today was a hard day.

I had a lot of fun at Zentangle last night, don’t get me wrong, but I had to work realllllly hard for it. I had to actively focus on staying present and remind myself to experience the moment. MV was extremely loud.

At 3 o’clock this morning, I woke up in a complete panic. I write pretty much anything here, but this time, let’s just say that, what happened next was EXTRAORDINARILY disordered. I only got about 2 hours of sleep all night.

I was frozen, and distracted all day at work. I had a cup of green tea in the morning, never once picked up my water bottle, and ate nothing all day.

I felt completely out of control. MV had on her boxing gloves and was beating the crap out of me… But Super Cuz had hers on too, and she was all queued up for a good fight.

SC: When do you see Dr. J again?
Me: who?
SC: Dr. J! When do you go back to see her?
Me: *trying hard to figure out if I know this Dr. J… FINALLY! I get there!* tomorrow

Later, SC sends me this gem
Stop it! Fuck off MV!!!!!

I didn’t practice.

Instead:
* played with Avery
* figured out how to use the laundry card
* went to Wal-Mart to get some oil for my car and pick up a few things

We were bacteria at horrible and traumatic as far as food shopping goes.

A nice man in the parking lot helped me add the oil to my car.

When I got home, I hung on the inversion table. Then used my newly obtained tools to put my newly learned skills into action
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It hit me tonight! Drawing like that… It restores order.

When I draw lines, I feel the same kind of relief and contentment that I get from sorting my food.

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5 thoughts on “Girls who make poor choices….

  1. Some years ago I had a young friend in a youth group who developed anorexia. I didn’t know what to do – I read some books. Visited her a lot in hospitals. Talked to her on the phone. Sat with her in silence when she refused to speak. We were on a retreat one weekend – maybe 60 of us. She had been doing well, and she started to crash. We were 80 miles from nowhere, and she was losing it. We stayed up that night talking. She told me about her demon voice – always running her down, always disturbing her peace. When she told me what he was saying to her I said, But that’s all lies. There’s no truth in it. You aren’t that way at all. He is lying. We stayed up all night while she wrote in her journal. By dawn she was seeing how she had constantly been lied to. Her demon’s spell was broken that night, and she began to get well. Hang in there, Teenie. The truth is on your side. Hang in there.

    • The people who have had the strength to stay up all night with me, at different times have been such a blessing! I am sure it is difficult for them, because they know, love and support Teenie, but only get to talk to MV… And let’s face it, NO ONE likes hearing from her. She’s crazy, and MEANNNN!

      It makes me happy to know that you were there for her at that time!!!

  2. I’m sorry you had such a hard day : / but I’m glad you have found some sort of comfort in drawing. I think that’s awesome : ) Keep going! I believe in you!!! ^_^

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