Who’s in charge here!?

Could you tell tell I was having a hard time last week?

I was.

Yesterday, Dr. J didn’t bring instant relief. When I walked in she said she could see which ribs were out, just looking at me (yeah, because I lost 11lbs in the past 6 days!) She also said my c2 hadn’t moved. I even made her double check 3 times! She worked on my knees and hips a lot, put all of my ribs back where they belong, then, of course, did my elbows… And tried to feed me cheese- which I declined.

When my ribs are in place it is easier to breathe and less uncomfortable to eat. So, even though she didn’t move my head, it still helped… just not as fast.

Next week, I have lots of plans! I never in a million years imagined that I’d have a social life to interfere with my practice schedule! Wednesday, I get to go Zentangle again! Thursday is trivia (more on this in a bit), and Friday is a party at yoga- all classes canceled! I knew I needed to regain some kind of order so I can enjoy everything coming up.

This morning I went to RAM, it’s an art and farmers market held every Saturday under a nearby bridge. It’s always a lot of fun. I got an eggplant and some local honey. I even tried the three kinds of honey he had before picking one! The one I chose is called Gallberry, I’d never had it before. I’m not always very good at describing the way things taste. But he called the orange blossom honey “sweet” and the gallberry honey he described as “light”.

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I also got an eggplant. Now, I kind of have rules about eating foods that are blue/purple. So, I don’t really know why I decided to home with big purple veggie today… But I did.

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my eggplant joins my fruit bowl

I breaded and baked it

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to keep it gluten free, I crushed up baked Lay’s instead of bread crumbs

Avery likes to help me cook

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even though it’s out of focus, I just love her crossed eyes here!

I made stacked the eggplant with fresh tomatoes on some zucchini noodles (just julienned zucchini). It was really good… But the skin was still too much to deal with. I cut it all off.

Thursday, I’m going to trivia with some friends at a restaurant downtown. There will also be people I don’t know. I promised my friend two things when we made the plans:
1) I promised to eat something… But it doesn’t have to be from that restaurant
2) I also promised that following #1, there would be no doing “bad things”

I’m really scared. No matter what I do, I’m meeting strangers, who will instantly know that I am a freak. If I order food there, I’ll have a normal kind of unknown food meltdown. And if I whip out my usual 8 frozen grapes for dinner, they’ll be like “who eats grapes for dinner??” Froot Loops is the best stranger food, because they can be sorted and played with for a looooooong time. But I wouldn’t actually eat them. Nor do I want a box of sugary, toxic, GMO, death crispies anywhere near my living space. AND, they aren’t gluten free. I kind of need to decide what to do tonight, because my family is coming up tomorrow, and then once I’m into the work week, I won’t have time/remember to revisit this predicament until it’s too late to be proactive about it.

To review:
• I already looked up the menu where we are meeting. Of course I did. I love menus, right?! There isn’t anything that I’d eat.

• If I eat 8 frozen grapes they’ll think I’m crazy (which is kind of true, but I’m also working on changing that… Most days).

• I can’t eat Froot Loops

• We are meeting on Thursday- which means I will probably be the silent passenger in the MV car just doing whatever I can not to self destruct before getting to Dr. J’s office first thing Friday morning. No matter what I’m doing, it’s always 200 times harder on Thursday nights. For example, this week, trying to run a bubble bath was curl-up-in-a-ball-and-cry worthy by Thursday night.

• SC knows and loves me, and she said even if she hadn’t already known that I was anorexic, she would have figured it out after watching me eat.

• I don’t want the strangers to think I’m a freak.

• I should probably just cancel with them

If you have any ideas….

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We’re just chilling here, open to suggestions.

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8 thoughts on “Who’s in charge here!?

  1. You keep forgetting that I did a clinical rotation on an ED unit in nursing school, so I notice things Most civilians would not notice a thing. Go and eat whatever looks interesting and enjoy yourself and the company! You tried eggplant today and liked it, you’ll like something else new on Thursday…

  2. First, eggplant is good when it’s fried. 🙂 I like to fry it and out it on a sandwich with peppers. Yummy!
    Second: I don’t eat fruit loops either, and I do not want them near my house.
    Third: Sometimes I have to go to functions (at a restaurant or a catered/potluck event at work) where I am not too excited about the food. I have to have lunch soon at a place that I am not at all interested in. I will go, but the food is mostly meat and the portions are huge. I will eat something small and figure out a way to make it work. However, for work functions I have been known to eat in advance or afterwards. Honestly, if people ask me why I’m not eating I say I’m not hungry or I tell them that I don’t eat what’s being served. Most people don’t care what I’m doing.

  3. You’re not a freak. If someone doesn’t like the way you are, they can deal. Anyway, that’s their karma, not yours. Go, have a good time. You’ll probably get a blog post out of it. Do what you want about the food, that’s your business and your call.

  4. It’s nice that your friend wants you to eat while you’re there, but why does that have to be a requirement of going? Can’t you just eat your grapes before, and drink water there? You don’t HAVE to eat, plenty of people go out to group events and don’t eat! If it’s going to cause you this much anxiety I would just avoid the situation entirely…but that’s just me! I think you should go and have fun and not stress about what you’re eating and how.

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