Not for me

Well, as mush as I love my Super Cuz… I’m abandoning my gluten free ways. I’ve come to this decision after a great deal of thought and reading most of Wheat Belly while confined to my apartment thanks to mass flooding, tornados and other delightful things for most of the day.
– I don’t have any of the physical GI issues that can be related to gluten consumption
– my blood pressure, EKG, cholesterol, blood sugar and all that business are all excellent
– wheat is an appetite suppressant
– I am already strict vegetarian- in and out of the home, read labels, everyday, without exception
– I am already vegan-ish, not strict, by any means, but avoid/replace as much as possible
– I am already reducing, eliminating, avoiding corn
– I have yet to like anything quinoa
– I can’t eat rice- MV, idk, my mind is strange.

Over the past two weeks, I’ve lost 14lbs. I’m constantly exhausted. I’ve been stuck around 400 calories/day. It’s not MV. I’m not being tortured by my own mind. I’m just not hungry. When I am hungry, I get overwhelmed trying to find something within the confines of alllll that, and give up. I’ve eaten almost nothing but citrus and grapes for days. Not eating opens the door to mindlessly let old patterns resume control.

I am finally overcoming a lifetime of food related hell, and it shouldn’t continue to be upsetting. I cried in the grocery store over a box of cereal that I REALLLLLLLY wanted, but wasn’t gluten free. I tasted cinnamon toast crunch at a sleepover once when I was a kid. It was the best stuff ever… Earlier this week I saw PEANUT BUTTER toast crunch, and could have done back flips, I was so excited! I love peanut butter more than anything. I have spent years dreaming about the sugary goodness of my brief CTC experience, and I am finally (mostly) free from the internal antagonist, with a job and a debit card and everything that I could possibly need to bring that box of cereal home to enjoy like a completely normal, non-disordered adult. BUT it wasn’t gf. So instead I cried.

I have been distant, antisocial and all together miserable since eliminating gluten. I am losing ground with all of the progress I’ve made. For me, right now, this diet is destructively restrictive, while learning how to NOT restrict.

I’m sorry, cousin. I love you to bits and will continue to try GF foods and be GF friendly.

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3 thoughts on “Not for me

  1. No worries, you tried and it wasn’t for you! Being GF is tough for anyone. I wouldn’t wish the need to be GF on anyone. Go enjoy your peanut butter toast crunch and everything else that you love. Gain the weight that you so badly need to gain. Love the taste, smell and texture of everything you eat, and be happy and healthy! I love you and I love the fact that you tried this way of eating to support me! ❤❤❤❤❤

    • ❤❤❤❤❤
      I think it would have worked out and even been good, if I was a little bit better at just eating.

  2. We both just love our CTC! There’s no reason to force ourselves to eat a certain way, I’ve learned I can’t cut any one thing entirely out of my diet or I go totally crazy on it. Good for you for learning what your body needs!

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