One of the teachers in our area has this bit, about the steel factory and the noodle factory… We all have to come from somewhere. I’m a noodle factory girl. Big time. I kind of fall into postures with out very much grace or control. I sit, stand, and move in ways that others often find shocking or gross. I don’t do it to show off- well, I mean, I wiiiiiiilllll put my feet over my head any and every time someone asks, just because I can, so why not??? But normally, like if I’m sitting at my desk, or something, my feet and legs just kind of go wherever. And when I have an itch on my back, I just scratch it. I promise, I don’t sit around thinking up the craziest most contorted ways to get my fingernails to my spine. And since I can reach it, I see no reason to go slide up and down in the doorframe or request assistance.
…. But, for a noodle factory girl, I’m not very flexible. Therefore, today was full of fail.
I woke up REALLY hungry, and wanted a big breakfast, but was low on time and inspiration. I finally decided I’d take a jar of last night’s left overs to heat up in the microwave at work, since I don’t have one and there wasn’t enough time to warm it in the oven.
The microwave at work apparently broke last night.
I freaking lost it.
I was starving. I’ve been working hard all week and seen the results in my yoga. I know myself. I know that I can’t just skip breakfast. I was too afraid to ask to leave, it’s not like they care anyway. I have a cookie and a small container of protein powder in my desk, but I couldn’t. I know, you probably don’t understand, unless you know. I just couldn’t eat either one. I couldn’t eat my food cold. I couldn’t order something. So I just sat at my desk, in my 45 layers, freezing, and starving, and crying.
They ordered sushi for lunch. I wanted to sooooo bad. It’s the closest I’ve ever come to participating in the whole lunch business. But I couldn’t.
My boss was walking around passing out mini boxes if melted junior mints, that I might have wanted but definitely would have freaked out about touching… Thankfully, she didn’t even try to offer me one.
My friends invited me to trivia/dinner again. I REALLY wanted to go. But. I couldn’t, of course, because I had yoga clothes in the car and don’t know how to be flexible.
My yoga was shaky and horrible and unfun.
Not EVERYTHING that happened today was awful though.
Our computer system crashed at work. We use two, they work together, one is notorious for crashing and needing extremely long maintenance windows, so we have procedures in place for getting by without it. The other one, however, is the complete and total brains of the operation. Absolutely NOTHING can happen without it. That program has servers, and backup servers, and generators, and backup generators… That’s the one that crashed. So, I got paid to wallwalk for about 3 hours today.
I walked into the hot room and immediately came face to face with Fat Yoga. And, for the first time ever, in the moment as it was happening (not retrospectively after the fact) and all by myself, I was able to identify that Fat Yoga was actually MV, and ridiculous. You can’t go from all bones and points to FAT, overnight, especially on a day where breakfast did not happen. Once I realized all that, I was able to let the thought go (mostly).
I see Dr. J in the morning.
Tomorrow, I will try harder, and do better.
I will practice to build steel in my body, and noodles in my mind.