It’s so very easy to get off track.
So simple to lose my footing. Lose ground. Lose control. Lose weight.
This week was so full of healthy food, and amazing yoga… Until I missed breakfast, then dinner… Then woke up and ate all the grapes in the fridge at 3am. Then fell back asleep, dreamed about burritos, bit my hand, then missed breakfast again, ate dinner but cried about it.
I missed yoga today, because I forgot to pack clothes.
The situation in my office keeps getting worse. I hate it. Corporate HR is coming into town for a meeting next Thursday… But I’m not feeling very confident. I know I am right- on paper, anyway. But I’m so afraid that trying to stick up for myself will cost me my job. I’m afraid they’ll say the only option is FMLA- which is dumb, I’m asking for 30 MINUTES of flexibility, not incapable of working. I’m afraid of not being able to stay here if that happens. I’m afraid of being coerced into giving up on myself, when things were finally starting to work.
I have relentless tinnitus lately and want to vomit.
I have an appointment with a dietitian on Tuesday… That I had to beg for. She does not work with “active anorexia” as she put it. Only people who were formerly anorexic, but are now overweight. I swore my days as slave to the MV were past, that I just wanted to make sure I was doing it right BEFORE ending up overweight. Which was true at the time… Until I missed breakfast at work. Now I’m afraid she’ll refuse to help me.
I’m afraid of everything.
So very backwards.