Today was easy.
It was in no way exceptional, except for the part where, no freaking out took place.

I was running a little behind this morning and extremely nervous, because the project I’ve been working on for the past several weeks was going to be supposed to be reviewed today. I brought a banana to eat in the car, a pumpkin maple tempeh thingy for breakfast at work, and hummus with veggies for lunch/snack.

I had a hard time convincing myself to eat breakfast at my desk today… I was afraid the corporate guy would show up while I was busy stuffing my face with weird vegan eating disorder-y food and think I was nuts. I ended to taking it into the bathroom to eat it. Yeah, I know, that’s kinda gross. But it’s important to maintain these schedules, because I still have no reliable sense of “hungry”. I did what I had to do- although I’m not really sure which is more disordered- restricting, or hiding in the company bathroom to eat.

At 12:30 I went outside to have my hummus and veggies by the lake. There was absolutely no crying or anxiety involved. I was just kinda mad that I hadn’t brought more celery. Having hummus (that actually tasted like its supposed to), was comfortable, soothing, almost. Having an eating disorder makes travel challenging. In Israel, I ate only hummus, I did not try a single other food while I was there (for several weeks). I ate hummus and pita without counting calories or setting limits. I ate as much as I wanted, enjoyed it, had tons of energy, and was really very content the entire time. That’s what snack today was like; relaxing, enjoyable, energizing.

Yoga was easy. Nothing super exciting happened. I got sweaty, but the heat and humidity were mild for a Bikram class. I don’t mind that, occasionally. I was stiff from driving and working long hours and eating too much. I can feel my joints out and was far less flexible than most days. I did every set and had a good time though. I would have stayed for doubles…. Except….

(I know excuses are like butt holes… Hear me out)

While shopping over the weekend, I picked up a new “costume” (sports bra/shorts in Bikram speak) at Justice. I tried it on, jumped on the trampoline, put my feet over my head and did some back bending (not simultaneously!) to test it out. I freaking love Justice- and have no shame saying as much. They seriously make the softest, smoothed, most best feeling clothes ever on the planet. My new costume was no exception. Frequently, by the end of class my shoulders and collar bones have been rubbed raw under the straps. This top was soooo soft and flexible, it added no pressure or friction.

Unfortunately, I don’t think fancy name brand workout clothes for little girls are designed to power through a Bikram style drenching. The shorts rolled up and I was forced to spend a great deal of time doing some very un-Bikram wedgie pickin. The top seemed to grow and grow and grow under the weigh of my sweat. I was constantly picking, pulling, twisting and adjusting trying to keep my cheeks and boobs covered.

I still love top. I will buy it in a smaller size and try again soon.


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