And THAT is what we call yoga!

Tonight. Was. Excellent!
Not, in and way extreme, in the room or my body. It wasn’t super hot or humid, but those things weren’t missing either. I did nothing stellar, just good, solid, middle of the road practice.

I woke up early and cooked a huge, awesome breakfast today!

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Tempeh, black beans, okra, onions. It was good stuff.

I could have, but chose not to, remedy the blue lunch fiasco. Because, I’m a losers like that.

I considered snacking on applesauce about 2 hours before practice… But again, didn’t.

I’m in the parking lot at work now, basking in some post yoga bliss before getting back to business.

We work with this lady… She doesn’t work for the company, just does business with us frequently, and always brings food when she comes. She knows all of us by name and is just a sweetheart.

Today she popped in and dropped off food… Without conducting any meetings. She was mega excited and ran around to everyone “I brought turnovers! I brought turnovers! I brought 22 turnovers! They are all different flavors!!” She skipped me. Of course. Would I have eaten a turnover? Not a chance. But I hate being left out all the time, and I’m working really hard to be different. It makes me feel like the opportunity to say “yes” is lost forever, and even if *I* can change, the expectation to be “that girl who doesn’t eat” will remain.

Anyhow, while I was lamenting the turnover exclusion, the woman returned to my desk. “I brought you apples. Aren’t you proud? Something healthy? I brought healthy apples. They are apple slices. In a package. No one touched them. Do you want some apples. They are sliced. In a package.”

… *sigh* she tried.

But she made it “a thing” so I couldn’t say yes. I felt just as alienated as I did while being passed over for turnovers and wanted to disappear.

Logically. I can see the effort she put in. I know it was sweet, and well intended, and I should have just said “thank you” taken the apples.

It’s no wonder really that people think I’m a bitch.

Banana Saga: post practice perspectives

Ok. So, I ate the banana.

Plus, a 2nd small snack later.

The room was crazy humid. It wasn’t just me, and had nothing to do with food. E.V.E.R.Y.O.N.E was struggling… We’re talkin’ not even Lizzy Committee salvageable. It was rough. I thought L2 was gonna barf or pass out. The hot room potty was pretty much constant occupied. Even I peed in the hot room- hey! I drank a ton of water, and wanted to do bow. I only peed. Promise.

After cooling down, and having some water, I could have stayed. I was feeling ok. But, I needed food. So I went home to cook, eat, swing out, and relax- no trampoline, no handstands, no planking, no blocking. I think that might be how the regular people do it.

Except, I need to learn how to use utensils. There are probably some kiddie lessons on YouTube for this. Since I’ve only started eating foods with any kind of texture in the past 3 months, I’m just now getting acquainted with our friends “fork” and “knife”. Historically, if it couldn’t be eaten with a spoon, I wasn’t interested. But, seriously, if I ever intend to dine with humans, I need to pick up this skill.

Listen. I need to gush about, Laura here for a second. Remember how she said “EITF” when we met, and we were both like “DUDE! This is meant to be!”

I’m tiny.
And I use that to be manipulative.
I know I do it.
And anything I can do…
MV can do better.

She did not fall for that crap!

I’ve only met a small handful of people willing and able to stand up to me. That’s not to say she has ever written or said anything harsh… Actually, she’s usually far kinder to me than I ever am to myself.

But, this morning, while I was SURE I was about to meet an untimely death via banana. She didn’t waiver, or engage. She didn’t change her position, and didn’t help me to farther obsess by perpetuating an argument.

I was probably pissed at the time

But, once Dr. J adjusted MV back into oblivion and I was more capable of logical thought, there was no mess to contend with.

I didn’t have to figure out if half of a banana was ok all the time? Or only if I acted like an anorexic shit? Or only on Tuesdays… Or, or, or.

She never gave in. So the rules never changed.

It’s easier that way.

Anyone who has ever been on the receiving end of a Teenie Yogini meltdown and survived, without killing me, deserves a metal.

I’m sorry to everyone I said horrible things to this week. :-*

Who’s really crazy!?

I couldn’t possibly eat an ENTIRE banana. That would surely kill me.

I woke up absolutely POSITIVE of this “fact”.

Now, when facts and rules conflict, obviously, the rules have to change, because facts are facts.

And the fact of the matter is, there is absolutely no way I could possibly eat and entire banana at one time.

So. I e-mailed the dietitian, attempting to bargain- how about I still eat a snack, just make it half of a banana.

To which she replied- you’d like to add half of a banana to what you are currently eating??? SURE!

Um, no! Helloooooooo! Don’t you know that it is a FACT that I can not possibly eat an entire banana at one time!

No doubt about it. She’s nuts.

I was all fired up and ready to argue.
But my phone sat in silence, indicating that she perhaps was not.

When it finally did buzz, it was just a reminder that I was seeing Dr. J today instead of Friday this week.

I should have canceled that. I felt fine. I only practiced twice since last time and my hips didn’t even hurt.

But I went anyway.

Everyone knows that it’s I FACT that its impossible to eat an entire banana at once and I feel fine, I bemoaned.

My c2 was definitely out.

She also tried something new, that was amazing… I’ll google and share later.

Anyway, I left her office, went straight to Publix, and bought a banana, plus non-gross tortillas to revisit the Bananadog…

Which was fantastic, and I ate the whole thing!

No doubt about it. I’m nuts!!!

This is exactly why I totally depend on the people around me and should not be trusted to make decisions for myself, especially when it comes to food.

Incredibly high standards

I saw the doctor to do the FMLA paperwork today.

While she was filling out the forms, she was talking, it seemed, more to herself than me. But what she said was really interesting…

(*it might help to know that she specializes in sports medicine)

She said

“I wish they’d do away with extremely high level sports for kids. You are a perfect example. Sweet, brilliant, adorable… And so overly conditioned to hold yourself to impossibly high standards that I’m sitting here filling out FMLA paperwork for a girl who has no idea how awesome she is. I guarantee this goes back to your history of Olympic level training as a child.”

I was blown away. No one has ever looked at it like that. I mean, we’ve considered the fact that my compulsiveness, and perfectionism lent well to running an Olympic campaign from middle school. Honestly, I think that foundation had been set long before I started racing. But, that’s not to say, it’s irrelevant.

I was expected to act in a way, that was probably developmentally, unreasonable. 8th graders simply do not have the maturity to conduct themselves as full time adults.

True. It could have just been me….

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But I somehow doubt that.

Well… In other news:
I forgot to eat today.
Yoga was NUTS!!!! Insanely hot! I kept thinking door-love door-love door-love which never happened. I got to practice next one of the local competitors, which is always awesome!

By the end, I was BEAT!

Time for dinner, janmies, and an early night!

Getting ready for the week

Things I do to plan for the week:

This week, I decided to change it up, and do my planning resort style!

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• ask myself “if I wasn’t afraid of food, and could eat anything, what would it be?” Graham Crackers and juice

• I re-read my food log entries, and my blog side-by-side for a retrospective look at what I ate and how it impacted my emotions and yoga. I was not good at recording this week, and my yoga was mediocre.

• I re-visit the snack list
Last week I KILLED in this department!
bread done! I tried at the office right after getting adjusted (which is the very best time for trying scary things) and had to work hard not to purge. I tried again at home, while more relaxed and still felt the same way. I tried a 3rd time, for breakfast, with lots of positive expectations about a normal healthy breakfast, and still felt horrible afterwards. 3 tries. Bread is off the table indefinitely.
granola– I tried it. And hate it!
musli– YUM!
– trail mix- calories, sugar, crunchy, and unsorted!
hummus– done! Made it myself, loved it
– hot chocolate and toast- because it’s STILLa weird combination, bread, and it is 100 degrees outside right now.
rice cakes with vegan butter AND vegan cheese– never mind. This my new favorite food.
yogurt– done!
Popcorn– DONE! Cauliflower popcorn = new obsession!!!
– Homemade granola bars- up until now, this has been too stressful a suggestion to entertain. I have a non-scary, granola bar recipe that you can expect to make an appearance later in the week.

• The last thing I do is check in with myself. How do I feel about the previous week’s eating? Yoga? Myself? And address any issues I’m having, before I start to plan for the week, because I like to go into the week feeling positive, excited, and motivated to make good choices and have good yoga. Last week I did not eat well, and I did not yoga well. I started keeping a star chart, with 3 empty stars on each day to color in for each meal. I only got 3 stars once. I determined that it might be the coffee, and not actually the food that makes me feel pukey after eating on the mornings. I also figured out that I really enjoy eating, but only while I’m cooking and I might do better to cook daily instead of relying on my jars so much.

My planning was much less structured!

I found dandelion greens at whole foods, which Gebi asked me to try a while ago, and bought them.

Laura had said a few weeks ago she wished I wasn’t so afraid of pasta. I eat miracle noodles… Or I fix them with veggies then feed the noodles to the dog. Eh. Whatever. I couldn’t be convinced to try regular noodles, but decided couscous wasn’t too scary.

I was really wanting salty things and juice, and muscle twitchy… In other words, I was having an electrolyte issue. So I got some coconut water and gave in to the juice compulsion

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This one seemed pretty safe. There were 4 flavors. This one had the fewest ingredients and the fewest calories. Plus, I really love blood oranges.

Last night, I made a dandelion salad, with couscous and PURPLE! asparagus.

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Um. Dandelion is DISGUSTING!!!! I picked all of the leaves out, and replaced them with kale… Then picked all the veggies out and gave Avery the couscous. Purple asparagus is amazing and delicious! It’s sweeter and less stringy than the green kind. Sadly, it turns green when cooked though.

If you don’t already know this about me; I never say “no” to Carmen or my mother, and this week Carmen told me I was going to try vegan ice cream.

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THANK YOU CARM! I love it!!!!

Today, I made Graham Crackers veganized. And I did NOT use 5 tablespoons of butter! Can you say excessive!? I used 2 tablespoons of coconut oil, which worked fine, but they are ridiculously sweet. Next time I’d use wayyyy less sugar!

I also made soup!!

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It kind of started as this but I wanted a broth soup instead of a thick one. I also didn’t want to see the parsnip, because they look like albino carrots with all the good stuff (aka color) missing. I added celery, asparagus and tons more carrots to the recipe, then boiled the parsnip, (some of the) carrots, and miso separately to purée just those then add back into the broth to make it creamy! It was brilliant and worked perfect!!!

I still have plenty more to cook and create throughout the week!

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There’s more than one way to “Taste the Rainbow” that’s for sure!!!