It’s Saturday already! That means its time to start getting ready for a new week!
Things I do to plan for the week:
• ask myself “if I wasn’t afraid of food, and could eat anything, what would it be?” This week, I mentioned earlier, that I wanted garlic bread. I also want noodles.
• I re-read my food log entries, and my blog side-by-side for a retrospective look at what I ate and how it impacted my emotions and yoga. This week, I needed to take a break from tracking everything so it This step was kind of hard. I do know that on the days I did not blog, specifically, what I’d eaten, it’s because I was skipping meals. I still felt like I was eating enough and my yoga was off the hook.
• I revisit the list of suggested snacks to assess progress with incorporating some of the higher anxiety suggestions:
bread done! I tried at the office right after getting adjusted (which is the very best time for trying scary things) and had to work hard not to purge. I tried again at home, while more relaxed and still felt the same way. I tried a 3rd time, for breakfast, with lots of positive expectations about a normal healthy breakfast, and still felt horrible afterwards. 3 tries. Bread is off the table indefinitely.
– granola- close second to bread, due to calories, fat and sugar. It’s also crunchy, and supposed to go in yogurt, thus becoming a mixed texture which is my #1 ultimate food objection.
– musli- I don’t like it because I don’t know what it is
– trail mix- calories, sugar, crunchy, and unsorted!
hummus– done! Made it myself, loved it
– hot chocolate and toast- because it’s a weird combination, bread, and it is 100 degrees outside right now.
rice cakes with vegan butter AND vegan cheese– never mind. This my new favorite food.
– yogurt- I ate yogurt at home, and in the bathroom at work. I didn’t scratch it off yet though, because having to hide is still kind of disordered.
• The last thing I do is check in with myself. How do I feel about the previous week’s eating? Yoga? Myself? And address any issues I’m having, before I start to plan for the week, because I like to go into the week feeling positive, excited, and motivated to make good choices and have good yoga. This week, I am unhappy with last weeks decision to abstain from recording. I am worried that the more we break down my system of rules, the more curious I will become about SAD (standard American diet) foods, and without the safety of my very clear cut, black and white network of rules solidly in place, I will be left unprotected to try and even like all of those things. I mean… It’s gotta have some kind of universal appeal for soooooo many people to love the things that terrify me. I’ve been gaining weight, and extremely displeased about that. I haven’t been drinking enough water in the evenings after practice- I don’t mind during the day, because I immediately sweat it all out on the studio floor during yoga. Right now, my mind is convinced that drinking water without working out turns to fat overnight and is bad. I know this is disordered… But I’m not sure what to do about it yet. I don’t think I’m eating enough green stuff and need to incorporate more veggies in my breakfasts especially.
MY PLAN FOR THE WEEK!!!
• summer porridge (I want to find a way to get some veggies in this)
• smoothie- at least once, preferably earlier in the week, and must be green to counter Friday’s less than positive breakfast experience.
• more pumpkin maple tempeh cakes (maybe)
• I’m tired of lentil brownies
• yogurt with fruit at work- lake or desk, but NOT in the bathroom!
• rice cake stack
• hummus w/veggies
• eat granola- at home WITH yogurt. It does not have to go IN the yogurt
• I made the most yummy dip? Spread? Sauce? Condiment? Well, whatever, I stirred pb2 into applesauce! OMG! If you know me at all, you know that I love peanut butter, I like the SAD, sugar filled, cheapest, most toxic peanut butter I can find. It is the one thing that I love more than MV 100% of the time. Any time I’ve been faced with any sort of “gain or else…” Ultimatum, I’ve done it by indulging in a jar/day habit. I am healthy now. And can’t continue to eat like that, so this is an awesome, low calorie alternative! I just have to think up something to have it with….
• Garlic Bread vegan cheese, flax egg
• What use is garlic bread without pasta, right??? So Tempeh Alfredo! already vegan 🙂 I love zucchini “noodles” but they seem kind of fragile for such a thick sauce. I think this might be an occasion that calls for Miracle Noodles. Maybe both??? Change it up a bit!
• Kale ginger carrot ribbons this is more out there than I usually go for… But I have no major objections to any of the ingredients. Carrots are a high anxiety food, as they are the source of countless horrible early food experiences. Apparently, my mother thought that raw carrots were the only veggie on the planet. We would have massive screaming matches over eating the damn carrots every night. I REALLY HATE the way raw, crunchy carrots feel in my mouth. Instead of just trying different vegetable, she’d drown them in water, smother them in ketchup, dunk them in ranch, offer them with peanut butter (enticing, but PB DOES NOT stick to carrot and just made the whole experience even more irritating). For almost my entire childhood I could count on a nightly stand off over (dinner in general, but especially) carrots sure to involve screaming, crying, dish throwing, begging, barfing, and passing out. My mother laughs when recounting the experience. She thinks it’s hilarious. I think it set me up for a never ending torturous relationship with food. I am learning, improving, getting better everyday. I don’t have to scream/cry/throw things for a meal to be called “dinner”. I don’t have to hate all food. I done even have to hate all carrots. I just hate raw, crunchy carrots- Especially smothered with ketchup… Actually, I hate ketchup too. So, anyway. Carrots are acceptable in my mind, but making making and eating them for dinner will be a new challenge. These are not raw or crunchy carrots. I am safe. If I don’t like them I can throw them away. I have the autonomy to do this for myself.
ESTABLISHING POSITIVE FEELINGS
• I adore my stickers!
• I have something else in the works too, but it might not make an appearance until next week.