Evolving…

Wondering the outcome of last night’s dinner debate between Logic and MV? Well. MV won, and I went to sleep. But just before midnight, Avery went crazy on the trampoline. Of course, everyone knows, when your dog goes crazy on the trampoline post-bedtime, the obvious thing to do is wake up and make polenta. Which I did. I topped it with DJR and some fresh veggies.

This morning, I woke up with a great big dose of badass in my toothpaste. I finally got brave enough to take yogurt and fruit to work for breakfast. I also packed a few of these guys!

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I love them!

… It didn’t go that well.

I did eat the yogurt and the fruit at my desk. But suddenly decided I had an issue with the raisins- which is new, they’ve always been easy. I was horrible, uncomfortable and stressful. I don’t have to clarify my resolution for that little problem.

Come lunch time, I realized I’d left my yoga bag at home. I promised myself I’d eat my snack/lunch at my desk if I used my break to go rescue my yoga clothes. Naturally, I lied. The rice cakes say there untouched until it was time to go.

I did fill my water bottle 3 times though.

At yoga, I walked in and set up with the lizards in our spot, without paying too much attention. When class started I noticed there were 9 people on our side of the room, and only 4 on the other side. Why you ask???? Mr. Creepy’s radius has now expanded to 1/4 of the total studio space!

I was having a hard time in class. My alignment is soooo crazy I couldn’t even seem to stand right. No matter what I did one hip was more forward, one shoulder higher, one elbow more bent. Ugh! It was annoying! Not to mention. I’m STILL much too fat. It was like great big, jiggly, crooked yoga.

We almost lucked out, and got to skip stick… But someone just had to speak up *coughLizardcough* oh, she also told more lizards about this here blog.. So hi! And welcome Lizard #2!

Who wants to guess where my mind was after class? I didn’t even lay down, just drank my ENTIRE water bottle, grabbed my stuff, and was the first person out of the room. Girl on a mission!

The new girl, the one from Tennessee, who’s effing awesome, was teaching tonight, and as I bolted past the desk she said “hey! I…” So I slowed, and turned around to let her finish, “I… Um… Well, thanks.” “No, thank YOU!” I answered enthusiastically. “I just wanted to say, I love having you in class. Everyone always looks so angry and serious during yoga, then there’s you, over there in that corner, just grinning away, and making the people around you smile too.” I shrug “it’s only yoga.” I tell her and pick up my things as people start trickling in for the late class.

Three different students ask if I’ll stay for doubles because they miss practicing with me. I tell them I would, if I wasn’t feeling so weird. My hips hurt, and my right hand keeps feeling like it gets shocked… You know, like when your brother tells you to lick the top of a 9 volt battery, that kind of thing.

On the way home I realized I never did go barf. But that’s really ok.

I also decided I HAD to have more cauliflower popcorn tonight! So I went home, took Avery potty, threw some clothes on and ran to Whole Foods

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Fear not, one of their employees totally laughed at me.

Have you ever wanted to eat an ENTIRE head of cauliflower by yourself in one sitting? I just did! For dessert, half a cup of unsweetened applesauce, 1/2 tbsp pb2 and half a cup of strawberries all mixed together.

I think I am evolving a little bit. It wasn’t that long ago that I wouldn’t even TOUCH food, and still relying on baby food for the majority of my calories as recently as March.

I started making jars so I would only have to contend with preparing food once a week. I could do all the cooking, then go hide under the covers to freak out like a spazz just on Sundays.

These days, I’m finding, I genuinely enjoy cooking. I like the creative outlet, and figuring out how to make “normal” foods in ways that don’t scare me. Creating food is relaxing, and a nice way to unwind. It’s less frightening to eat things that I myself have personally assembled from exclusively plant based ingredients as close as possible to their natural, living state. I get excited about what I’m doing, I get excited about sharing with others. Super Cuz once told me, that when feeding babies, every meal is like a party. You have to go above and beyond to create feelings of joy, safety, and contentment during meal time. Seeing people get excited about things I’ve made, does that for me.

I may love cooking. And I may even like eating while I’m cooking… But the truth of the matter is… I still hate food. When I’m not all caught up in the moment, I’d much rather go right to bed than open up a pre-made jar.

Had I not NEEEEEDED cauliflower popcorn tonight, I can pretty much guarantee the 8ish jars of healthy meals prepared by ME, Would have sat, untouched in the fridge.

I think, next week, I need to start planning for cooking a few times mid-week.

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