Too much!

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Oh look. A kitten.

Awwwww.

Yeah. Just what I need. One more life depending on me that I can’t take care of.

I’m a horrible pet owner. Avery spends way too much time in her kennel. And I scream at her when I’m mad. I hate having them here most of the time.

My life revolved around rescue for the past 7 years. It’s draining. And exhausting. I’ve bottle fed THOUSANDS of kittens, and fostered close to 100 dogs. I’m tired of picking up shit. Scooping boxes. Adoptions. Adoptions. Adoptions. I didn’t want Sam and Avery. I did it because the former roommate threatened me. And them. She hurt Sam. The very LAST thing I need is to turn my apartment into a revolving door for whatever wanders up.

The whole point was to take care of me. Focus on me. Learn how to deal with myself. And get better. It’s not working. In fact, quite the opposite. I have never ever felt this dark.

I hate this kitten and don’t want him (or his stupid fleas) here. Just open the door, and put him back where you found him? I can’t. I’m human.

I had a horrible day at work. Horrible i-want-to-die yoga, of course with Kate and a brand new first time ever at our studio teacher. I haven’t eaten since Sunday. I forgot how. Plus, I have to work extra hard learning how to listen to new voices. All through the first breathing I kept trying to figure out when “ass hole” became a recurring phrase in the dialogue. I had to keep stopping to see what she was saying, and/or watch Kate to figure out where we were. Stopping makes me dizzy. Not eating makes me dizzy. Thinking too much makes yoga hard. Not eating makes thinking hard.

The whole thing sucked.

Anyhow. Anyone want a kitten? I’m involved with the newly famous KHTC. And can pony express him anywhere in the US. Probably Canada too.

Also. I didn’t hear back from the friend today. I guess she finally got tired of waiting for me.