I realized at some point recently that I haven’t slept in about a week.
Not “I haven’t slept much” or “I haven’t slept well”
I have not slept AT ALL!!!
Teacher called me fat today. Well. He called the entire class fat, and said that every single person in the room needed to go on a dirt, join a gym and stop being so damn lazy. He then launched into a 42 minute diatribe against fat people…. And I proceeded to freakout, until I remembered that deaf people can do something that hearing people can’t.
I “off-ed” him.
I simply decided not to look at the screen anymore. Duh. Of course, by then the damage had already been done.
This is how it sounds to me:
“Teenie, YOU are so overweight that your personal fatness is now a significant, international crisis that it mandates 40 minutes of our class time. Therefore, after class you will be dragging your obtuse caboose to yoga, even though you had planned to stay home and study. Don’t worry, you will have plenty of time to write that paper after practice, since you won’t be eating dinner tonight.”
I’m exhausted. Depleted. Out of whack. Off kilter. Basically, if I was Nintendo I’d be at that part where Mario turns red and starts flashing, right before falling off the screen. My MV shields are hanging out somewhere around -20% resistance. In other words, not only is my capacity to resist the MV completely used up, we are starting to rebuild out alliance.
I know that’s bad, or at least I’m supposed to think it is.
Anyway. I didn’t practice.
I couldn’t remember how to get to the studio. But I didn’t eat dinner either.
At 7:45 I was relaxed and comfy and all set to fall sleet.
But I have a test tomorrow.
Studying is vital. No ifs ands or buts about it. I had to get up.
No notes! I was yet to receive the most recent lecture. Oh, you know, just the one with the test review. No big deal.
I HAD to wait for it, so I could study.
At 11, I still had no notes. So I emailed the teacher and the student services coordinator and said I tried really hard to wait up for the notes so I could study, but I was exhausted and would they consider letting me take it in Tuesday so I could have a chance to study.
Of course, by then the sleepy contentment had passed, AND it was too late to take anything.
So now. Here I sit. 2am wide. Ass. Awake. Getting ready to watch the sun come up AGAIN. The notes finally came around midnight.
too tired to study.
too awake to sleep.
I think I’m going nuts.