Well, that was embarrassing…

Guess what!? The fat lab is STILL not done! We got started on it today, doing hip and waist measurements, and the electrical impedance calculation, but the calipers were once again postponed!

She started class with a long winded explanation about how she doesn’t care what category anyone falls into, all she cares is that we do the work. That was followed by an even longer tangent about how dangerous it is to be underweight, especially for women and no one was allowed to set lower than average body fat percentage goals.

Don’t look at me, I’m not allowed to participate, remember!?

The stenographer, well, she’s nice and all, but can be kinda nosy sometimes. For example, she always wants to know my test scores and how I did on papers and stuff. She is one of the main reasons I wanted to do the lab, and I have been trying to figure out how to deal with her, since finding out I couldn’t do the lab.

It went something like this:
Steno: she’s done talking, go get in a line!
Me: I’m done for the day.
Steno: no, everyone is getting measured and using that machine, just go get in a line.
Me: I’m not doing it, the teacher and I have already talked.
Steno: but WHY!?
Me: it’s embarrassing. I don’t want to talk about it.
Steno: just tell me!
Me: she said I can’t do it. That’s all.
Steno: but why not!?
Me: it’s hard to talk about. I just can’t.
Steno: are you… Like, on your period!?
Me: no!
Steno: then what is it!?
Me: fine. She’s concerned because I’ve recently gained 30 pounds.
Steno: so what? I’m dense. Help me out here.
Me: I just have issues, ok?
Steno: I don’t get it. Why can’t you do the lab?
Me: (exasperated, and about to cry) because I struggle with anorexia, that’s all!
Steno: so? I think you look really normal, why is this lab a problem?
Me: it just is. She is the one who decided I can’t do it. I wanted to.
Steno: but you look fine! So you should be able to do it.
Me: it’s just. Well… (Stalling, looking for words)
Steno: but you look healthy!
Me: I just have a hard time with numbers and stuff. It’s not a good idea.
Steno: do you think you are too fat!? Because I think you look fine. You should do the lab. Obviously, you’re ok now.
Me: it’s not up to me.
Steno: I’m sorry. I just don’t get it. You’re not still that way, because you look healthy.
Me: I set inappropriate goals. Ok? I can’t handle having those numbers because it’s too dangerous. It’s not about looks, it’s a real problem, that I’m really working on, and I have a lot if people helping me. I don’t get to make these decisions on my own because I am terrible at it!
Steno: so you mean, no matter what number she told you, you’d want to make it lower?
Me: something like that
Steno: but you look normal, and she just said you can’t set lower than average goals, so you should be fine.
Me: One, I lie. And two, I had no say in this.

Fortunately, class ended at that point.
But I have a feeling, this discussion might not be entirely over. She is the same stenographer who called me fat last semester.

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5 thoughts on “Well, that was embarrassing…

  1. Here’s my advice for future situation like this: Do not engage people like this beyond a simple, ‘I am not doing this no thank you” kind of thing. What you do/don’t do is not their business. Period. Love to you Teenie. Stay strong.

    • That. That comment right there. Excellent advice. Agree times 1000.

      Also – that whole “you look healthy therefore you can’t be anorexic” thing bugs the crap out of me. It’s a *psychological* disorder (with physical manifestations). Can you imagine someone being told they can’t possibly really be depressed because they aren’t suicidal? (I know that’s horrible, but I think it’s a decent analogy.) I hate that attitude because we always internalise it… that whole “but I’m not even that thin!” thing we tell ourselves. Lies, guaranteed to make us sick if we believe them.

      (Way to go on the sit-ups though! Beating the boys is a much better goal than meeting some arbitrary number.)

      • Yes, exactly! I wanted so badly to educate her. People can’t help that they don’t understand, just like I can’t help being this way. I’m hoping the group that’s presenting the chapter on eating disorders can clarify some misconceptions for her.

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