inconsequential

That’s me. 

Unimportant. 
Unnoticed.
Inconsequential.

I work hard to improve my walk test scores, only to be pushed around and teased.

I bring soooo much passion and experience to the table, only to be offered a crap position at camp and told that my plans are ridiculous. 

I walk two miles with the screaming baby because I made a commitment to a friend… and she forgot to leave the key, so I couldn’t even try to take her dog out. 

I pour myself into the kids I watch, and their families. I think up activities, plan fun things, show up on time, correspond regularly and promptly with the parents. I am up front about scheduling and things that I need. When we make arrangements, I COUNT on those commitments. But I am of such little value to them that they can not follow through, or stick to a schedule. I am missing class for the first time EVER, because the little girls dad left and isn’t coming back. He knows I have class. I even reminded him this morning.  Before I even agreed to work for them, I gave them my class schedule. I was not, in any way, deceptive. He knew and he agreed. And now I am missing IMPORTANT information in my most difficult class, AND a test review! We even had a whole conversation this morning about going to the pool. I told him that I could pick up my suit after class and we could go as soon as I got back. I also have a package, that I needed to pick up. It is chapstick, and a gift for someone else, and now it is going to sit outside in 100 degrees melting until I get home around 7 tonight.

I am easy to shove. Easy to tease. Easy to walk all over. I need to try harder to be better.

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2 thoughts on “inconsequential

  1. Teenie, you know this, but you are not what other people think of you. Anyway, I don’t know about you, but I am often quite wrong about what other people are thinking about me, so… Everybody’s dealing with their own karma and do screwed up, thoughtless things. Yeah, it can screw up your business, but it doesn’t say anything at all about who you are. Who you are is your journey – no one else’s. There’s nothing wrong with you – you might need a different client, though. It’s just business.

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