Better

A friend last week…
Ok, well, multiple people in my life, lately have said “but you are better.”
No. Not really. I am just better at dealing with myself.

Plus, by avoiding yoga, I don’t have to eat nearly as much to maintain a normal weight.

I’m not better. I have millions of rules. Tons of anxiety. It’s all still quite rigid. It always has been. I never “developed” an eating disorder in the typical sense. My relationship with food has been screwed up since before I grew teeth.

I don’t think I will ever be “better”. I have to work really, really hard, every single day.

This week though, I’ve done something new. Ducked under the live wire that holds my universe together.

I drink ONLY water. Ever.

This week, I’ve had Silk, OJ, tequila, Gatorade and wine. All at different times, and none in excess.

But it’s a big big change.

Next week I take my final exam, and the FTCE test, then I’m on BREAK! And it’s really really reallllllly time to drag my butt back to the studio. I miss yoga.

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