For you

For you, I would walk through fire and enjoy every second of it, if you needed me to.

I got to talk to my baby for several hours last night. It’s amazing. We had a real conversation for the first time ever. She asked me questions AND responded to my answers. When we met, she peed in my car because she couldn’t tell me she needed to go to the bathroom. The last time I saw her, she told me if she ate the sun, she would fart fire. But she couldn’t engage farther than that, so I think she was parroting something she’d heard at school.

She asked if I was still saving animals, and taking care of kids. I told her no more cats, but I’m still baby sitting. She said “oh. The cat got your nose?” (She is allergic to cats and constantly had a runny nose with us). Then she said “what!? You still watch kids? Do you love them as much as me?” I assured her I would never love them as much as her.

She’s starting to ask questions, about what happened. I won’t speak ill of her parents. They created her, and she is precious, so in spite of everything, I love them, and will only express that to her. Her questions lead me to believe that she understands it’s not my fault, without me telling her.

She told me that they will be in my city for vacation in 2 weeks and asked if she could see me. I told her she had to ask her dad, but if he said yes I would take her anywhere. She asked to go to a “fancy sit down place”.

You have to understand, I held her in a physical restraint for THREE HOURS at Sea World while she screamed like a maniac because she was HUNGRY and could NOT express that!

I took her to Subway and she ordered a “piggy sandwich, please” because pig and ham are the same sign.

She cried “same mommy! Same mommy! Same mommy!” At McDonald’s for months before I figured out that she wanted extra pickles, through lots of trial and error.

And of course, the last time I saw her she spent 20 minutes LOUDLY demanding “dildo” on her ice cream. The entire building went silent and watched in horror as I calmly worked with her to get to a solution, with her screaming “dildo! DILDO! DILDO!” over and over again. Turns out…

Dildo = sprinkles

And after ALL that work, the place we were at didn’t even have sprinkles!

You can see, how thrilling it is for her to request so clearly something like a “fancy, sit down place”. Obviously, I will find her the fanciest sit down place in the city, and I will eat with her, AND enjoy it.

The MV is no match for my love for this child!

I was at a concert, CRYING. Like. C*R*A*Z*Y. because we were FINALLY talking, and my phone started to die. I told her I had to go, and she panicked, begging me not to, and asking me to promise we would talk again very soon.

She loves me, still! She isn’t mad at me. She wants to see me. We got to talk. I’m still so shocked and happy.


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