Maybe I am…

The oil light in my car has been on for a few days, tonight the check engine light came on too. So I went to PepBoys for an oil change.

The lady asked my phone number. No phone I tell her, I’m deaf.

Then she wants to go outside and talk to me in the dark. While looking at my tires. I’m sorry. I tell her. I can’t understand if you don’t look at me. I’m deaf.

We go back inside and she asks does it sound like this? I don’t know. Does it sound like that? I don’t know? Does it make this noise? I don’t know. I AM DEAF! I can not hear! My ears are BROKEN!

She says “ok. $17.”

That. I can handle. I start to cry because $17 I can totally deal with.

She takes my car. Then comes back a while later.

They can’t change the oil. There’s something seriously wrong with the engine and they don’t want to be responsible because it could blow up while I’m driving. I should go to the dealership.

I’m freaking out. So I text my mom. Idk who else to talk to.

My job, any job, is contingent on reliability, dependability, showing up on time. That kind of thing. I’ve got two jobs tomorrow, all day, on opposite sides of town. I can’t afford to not work or not be reliable.

My mom calls me stupid. Why can’t I think through my own damn problems. G-d gave me two feet, don’t be such a lazy bitch, and walk to work.

Sure. It’s a 45 minute drive on the interstate. I’d have to leave now. And I’d never even make it to the second job.

My mom thinks I’m stupid. The lady at the car place thinks I’m stupid.

Maybe I’ll should just get in my car and drive it around until it blows up. Then no one would have to deal with me being stupid, lazy or selfish.

It’s not a bad idea.

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