Elephant

The elephant in the corner is a HORRIBLE metaphor for any eating disorder. But for my baby sister, it’s also an absolute truth.

We were 14 when she was born. She has watched us every day for the past 15 years. No one ever looked at her and said “Hey, Baby Sister, the Yoga Dorks have anorexia.” But I’m pretty sure she knows.

One of her friends died this week. She’s not the best reporter, but from the photos she’s sent and what she has told me, I suspect her Yoga Dorks and her young friend all have something in common. She asked me about dinner last night, and about breakfast this morning. I offered to drive the three hours down to go see her after work today, but she told me to stay up here.

She’s mad at me.

I love her, and want to be supportive, but she’s mad at me for something that is 100% not my fault.

All of her classmates were wearing pink today, so I wore pink too, and sent her a picture. This afternoon, I did the only think I could do. I wrote both of their names on my feet and hit the hot room. I sent her a picture of my feet standing on my pink towel.

I haven’t been to yoga in 2 weeks. I’ve been so so so tired. Most days I bring clothes, but decide to go home instead. I keep thinking
Maybe if I eat more, or get some more sleep, I won’t feel so depleted.
I keep doing that. And just keep feeling worse (and gaining weight). Clearly it’s not working.

Tonight, I went to yoga for Baby Sister, but I practiced for me. I feel so good! I’m still exhausted, but it’s that post yoga my-body-does-amazing-things-for-me-and-I-can-do-anything blissful kind of exhaustion that is so invigorating. I’m also no longer craving carbs and fats and sugar excessively, because this yoga forces you to listen when your body asks for what it needs… Which tonight, is a BREAK!

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