I feel… Settled? Comfortable maybe? I’m not sure what the word is.
I’ve had issues with food pretty much since I started eating it. But once it had an official name, I felt confined, and defined by it, and afraid. Afraid of eating too much or too little or working out too much and not enough, afraid of my inability to make good choices independently.
The past two weeks I’ve solidified a job with another new family 3 afternoons a week. They are really great, 9 year old boy/girl twins.
My morning family lives in a CDD, so when I leave at noon I go use their fitness trail and take a short run, if it’s not too hot (running mid-day in Florida can be kinda dangerous when it’s 90 degrees in late October!). My second family lives less than 2 miles from the first. After my workout I change clothes, grab a green juice from Publix, and set up activities for the twins to supplement, enhance and help us get through homework time. Then pick them up.
From their house, I go to yoga, get home between 8:30 and 9, take care of Avery, shower, eat if I can stay upright long enough to fix something and go to bed.
I feel healthy, powerful, like it’s safe to just love the moment without worry. In the past week 4 or 5 people have said to me “you have so much energy!” “You are always so happy!” “You look fantastic!” Clearly, what I’m doing is working. I feel great, healthy, energized, strong.
I think maybe, I can finally relax, and just enjoy this good health that I’ve worked so hard to build.