I was telling my cousin, I think I’m better. Normal. In my mind, I don’t have an eating disorder.

I’m a healthy weight. In fact, I could even weigh less and be ok. Yesterday, I had a piece of pizza at work and you know, actually ate it. I’m pretty convinced I’m fine.

Except, I had nightmares about M&Ms after a young friend kept insisting I have some. I DESPISE M&Ms! Just touching them, makes me want to gag! I can’t stand the way they feel in my mouth and just thinking about it, makes my skin crawl. I don’t think normal people wake up crying in a pool of sweat over M&Ms.

I’m still positive I’m fine though.

But today, the 2 year old found a measuring tape, so we measured our heads, hands, feet, toes, wrists, ankles. I kept getting excited; the circumference of the baby’s head is 19 inches, mine is 20. Just half an inch difference in our wrists. This was all exciting.

Then, we made muffins, and I accidentally let him color them blue… Because I don’t eat anything blue.

That’s fine though, not at all disordered.

My iPhone updated last night. Today, I hit “complete entry” in the calorie app… And it no longer shows projected weight in 5 weeks, if you eat less than X calories.

Holy mega meltdown.

I reckon “better” folks don’t do that, huh? Guess there’s still work to be done. *sigh*


One thought on “Better

  1. Wow! Your head is only 1 inch larger in circumference than a 2 year old???? OMG!!! Either that kid has a big head or you’ve got a tiny one!!! No offense intended to either of you. If I measure my head, it’ll probably be the same!

    I weighed myself against a 6 year old once…. I was about 22 years old at the time or something like that…. and well, I was only 2-3kg heavier than him. He was a big kid, I was normal for my height.

    Do you weigh yourself for health reasons? Do you weigh yourself because you feel compelled to? Would it help if you don’t monitor your weight anymore?

    Farlap, a racehorse had one of the biggest hearts ever… it was heavy… Einstein’s brain was dense and heavy….. I look much skinnier now than I’ve ever looked but I’m heavier than my “ideal weight”…. I attribute this to having a big brain… and a big heart 😉

    In seriousness, the scales and the mirror don’t always tell the truth because you’ve got your own screens and filters that you’re looking through before you see the scales and the mirror, so the picture will always be distorted. If you’re content and you feel healthy, that’s a good place to start.

    PS – I wouldn’t eat anything blue either and I haven’t eaten an M&M for ages!!

    PPS – through various other troubles and mental issues in my life, I’d have to say that I too wanted to be normal. Someone once told me… who wants to be normal? nobody wants to be normal… and in my head and heart I’d say “BUT I DO!!!!”
    Not sure if it’s age or just coming to peace and acceptance of all those parts of myself I used to hate so much but whatever it is/was, I’ll say this from the bottom of my heart with all sincerity… you don’t want to be normal 🙂 You want to be YOU.

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