Mourning

I’ve written before about my Trikke, I’m sure, because I love it.

I’m not a very materialistic person, I don’t think. I don’t care too much about name brands or fancy technology.

I cherish relationships, and adore my dog.

But my Trikkes, I love. I have had two. A big one, that’s fun to ride, and fast, but heavy. And a small one, my little pink t6. It was designed for children, more of a toy than a serious piece of exercise equipment. Mine was the original version, old when I got it used several years ago. I spray painted it pink, and later the Trikke guy in Tampa found some pink wheels to put on it for me.

The inventor himself rode MY little pink t6, and he also took video of me riding it for his promotional stuff. EVERYONE at Trikke, knows my pink t6.

This summer, I let the kids I live with ride it, and it broke. I’ve been saving up the money to take it 5 hours to Tampa for repair, and just finally got it fixed last weekend. It took all day, cost more than it would have to replace it, and the only reason they were willing to do the work, is because it was mine. They knew how much I loved it.

I didn’t even get to go for a real ride yet, and my little pink t6 was stolen from my car last night or this morning.

I am heartbroken.

I can’t believe it’s gone.

It feels like I’ve lost a friend, and I can never be whole again.

I hate my car. Every time I get in it now, I hate it for not protecting my Trikke better.

I hate myself too.

I knew the locks were unreliable and left it in there anyway, because carrying it up the stairs everyday was a pain in the ass. But now it’s gone. Forever. And I don’t think I can ever love another Trikke as much. No other little Trikke will ever be MY little Trikke that Gildo rode.

I can’t even take proper care of the one thing I truly love. How can I be responsible for anything else.

I have been crying for the past 20 hours and I’m pretty sure I’m going to feel sad forever.

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One thought on “Mourning

  1. The feeling of loss is the ghost of the thing lost. After a suitable period of mourning, have a ceremony to set the ghost of your relationship with your t6 free. And begin the new relationship. And you are never less than whole, Teenie. It seems that way at times, I know. But it isn’t true. You are a luminous being, and right now you have a broken heart. That’s because you care. Honor that about yourself. Honor the change in your relationship with your t6. Be kind to yourself, Teenie. You are fine just the way you are.

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