one specific goal

I have always had a hard time feeling like I could do anything well.
Yes, even as an internationally ranked Olympic level athlete at 14, I still felt inadequate.

When I told DB I thought I could picture myself working at Shake-A-Leg, something in me changed. I had real direction. Any thing I was doing wasn’t to benefit a vague future ideal, everything became a step in the process. It’s pushed me to be more responsible, proactive, and willing to speak up.

I want it more than anything.

I had a plan in my mind. I need three internships to graduate. So I wanted dolphin therapy in the keys, FSDB for the short ones and Shake-A-Leg for the long one. Except, it’s all messed up now. FIU, as we well know, sucks at communication. I was somehow registered for classes without even having an advisor assigned, much less talking to one. My first two internships are supposed to be THIS summer. That’s not even enough time to apply for the dolphin one. They have so many “if/than” rules and basically it works out like this. I can only use Shake-A-Leg for the 4 week internship, and then I MUST do a 4 week clinical internship… and my ONLY option for the clinical is an inpatient psych unit, that used to be an ED treatment center and would still be a VERY bad environment for me. I talked to DB about it this afternoon, and she was more direct that she’s been in a really long time. There was no “what do you think?” or “Is there a way to make that work?” it was just “NO. Do not do that.”

I asked the internship coordinator a million different ways today. I can give up Shake-a-leg, and do both sections of the internship with the dolphins. That wouldn’t suck.

I just… I did all this for Shake-a-leg. It’s what I want more than anything.

I can’t believe I’m about to lose it.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. That’s pretty much how things tend to go for me.


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