Doubles Monday- Teenie makes a deal!!!

Today didn’t kick off with much potential.

* I woke up in for real pain. Whatever is going in with my hip is seriously not ok!

* My roommate is out of town for a few days, so the critter schedule is off. It’s confusing for the dogs, and for me.

* I gained weight, hit 19.5 BMI, which, you may recall, I was fairly adamant, would NOT be happening. As you can imagine, I was pissed.

* For some, unknown reason, I decided to eat a lot of nuts for breakfast… Which I instantly regretted.

I was really busy at work though, and didn’t have any time to lament. By the time I went to lunch, the rain had stopped, the sun was shining, I had a chiro appointment scheduled, and decided to see if I could alleviate some of my leg pain with a nice barefoot walk.

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Where I ran into these guys! Aren’t they cute!?

After I walked, I stretched.

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Seriously, what feels better than Fixed Firm? Yeah, pretty much nothing.

I felt better, and Doubles Monday was saved!!!

When I walked in, the guys were full of High 5s and “She’s here! It’s Doubles Monday!”

I had two STRONG classes, with some wall-walking, blocking, inverting and Plow between them.

Paul taught both. I love him (I love all of them)! As I was leaving, he had more High 5’s and told me he loves teaching when I’m in the room. I shrugged and told him I just love to practice. He asked me AGAIN about competing… This is becoming a daily discussion after class.

I told him probably not, because I have to work during advanced, and wouldn’t do it without being fully prepared (overachiever, are we surprised?). So he said he’d talk to Kate, about setting up a separate Advanced for the new studio specifically around my schedule!

It seems that Operation FLABBY ASS, might be back in business here, folks!!!

I remembered to have dinner before getting in the tub too! I made Mass Gainer (only option on doubles say), with almond milk, sweet potato sprouty and pumpkin pie spice. So autumnal and delicious for the start of spring!

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I’m under. But that’s a solid effort! No one can be too down on that!

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I DID IT!!!!!

I DID IT!!!!!!

I survived my first Advanced Class!!!!
I was warmly welcomed to the group, tried hard, learned A LOT, exceeded my expectations! Our local Champion was leading. She is just the sweetest, plus she signs! She I’m pretty good at following along, but she interpreted everything (that we had reasonable signs for) and it was nice, extra security, for my first time.

The studio owner didn’t stay, but before leaving she winked and said she was happy to have me.

So, really, everything I was worried about, ended up just fine. I just need to work on building some (ok, LOTS of) arm strength, and I have a feeling the rest will come, just like Beginning series, came slowly and naturally with consistency and the commitment to “try right”.

This studio is gorgeous and on the 2nd floor, overlooking the water, and palm trees waving in the windows. There is a dentist’s office on the first floor, and every time I practice here, I wonder if the can smell us, have to run their air cooler to compensate for our heaters, and if they can hear us falling out. I also have this funny, inside my head picture of their ceiling “leaking” during exceptionally drippy classes.

I am still in total shock. I can’t believe I FINALLY did it not just once, but will get to with regularity!

*I really need a WayMat though! My towel was sliding all over my mat.

Still angry… Buuuuuut

I’m still angry.
I still feel like skinny yoga is win-y yoga. And that there are tons of smaller women in the room who should be harassed about their weight before me.

But. Because I don’t really have much choice in this matter…
Tonight was less painful.
I did every set.
It was the same teacher I’ve been having issues with and he didn’t; look, touch, yell or call my name today…. I guess that’s a start. My legs also felt stronger than usual. I didn’t have to fight nearly as hard to lift the knee cap.

I still feel like an alien on planet yoga. And I’m still afraid that I’ll show up on Wednesday for advanced and she’ll look me up and down (like that day on the beach) and say “No. Not her.” Just like she did last spring.

It took me more than a year to feel confident enough to try yoga after that. And even still, I only went back to her studio for the workshop last weekend. Walking in for a regular class is terrifying. Expecting to stay for advanced… Nearly paralyzing. I wish I was allowed to still be skinny… Because that’s why {most adored teacher} keeps saying I should practice with them.

Paying attention

I am paying attention to myself.

I had planned to take all 3 classes today, to get ready for Advanced Class (!) starting next week. You have to be able to take back to back beginners classes before getting to go to Advanced. I can, and have, just wanted to do it a few more times before the big day!

Buuuuuuut. I hate mornings. I hate waking up. And I am not a big fan of practicing early in the day.

I didn’t want to practice yesterday, but forced myself to go in and stuck the whole class out. After the warm up, I still didn’t want to be there. At the end of the standing series, spine strengthening series, at the end of class I just wasn’t feeling it. And, my lets were hurting.

Last night after class, I swung into GNC and picked up this:

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Yeah. The anorexic yoga chick bought weight gainer. AND drank some. AND really needs to buy a blender ball, because chunks are gross! Otherwise it wasn’t too horrible. I slept like a freaking rock, like I’ve never slept before. This morning, I feel huge! Like I weigh 158743 pounds. But my muscles feel more recovered than normal. I think it’s not the worst thing in the world. I know that I need fuel to practice.

And right now. I still don’t want to! Two in a row with my innards throwing a tantrum about this yoga that I love so passionately? Something is off. I’m listening to my body and going back to bed.

Operation FLABBY ASS

Operation FLABBY ASS
Feel Look And Bend like a Bikram Yoga Advanced Series Student (yep. I made that up) here I come!!!

I’ve been insisting for weeks that “I’m trying” and “I’m eating” and “I’m getting stronger” and while that is in fact true. The people around me continue to act as if I’m staring as both murderer and victim in some kind of warped play. “I don’t get it!” I whine. “Why are you being so mean?” “Can’t you see I’m trying?”

In reality, these are all folks who’ve known me for a long time and care about me an awful lot. They know me far to well to believe that I’m trying. I don’t “try” anything, I either do it, or I don’t. But, there’s no such thing as trying. My dear friends obviously see right through my oh so innocent “I don’t understand!” Whoops, that’s right, I’m kind of a math whiz.

I’m kind of a math whiz.

Actually. I’m really freaking good at math (I’ll own that). I love my calculator almost as much as I love the hot room… Almost. Obviously, I do understand. Completely.

I want advanced class. I’ve wanted it since I was 12 years old! And now, it’s RIGHT THERE! It’s so close I can already smell all that extra sweaty!

Am I really willing to just fork over the dream I’ve carried not more than half my life, just because I accidentally rented out mind space to a controlling bitch??? No chance in hell (or the hot room)!

I don’t excel at anorexia, because I’m skinny. I’m her star pupil because I am focused, tenacious, driven, and really good at math. Those things, are mine. My cards to bring to the table… To bring to any table I want.

All the time I’ve spent, worrying about losing control, becoming as big as a house, then even fatter, until my extremities stick out the doors and windows like Alice in Wonderland… It’s obviously impossible.

My inner vibration will always be focused, tenacious, driven and really good at math… No matter what my BMI is. I have all the tools I need, and they’ve been there the whole time.

So. Right here. Right now. I am picking up my cards and playing a different game.

And, I am already the star pupil of Operation FLABBY ASS, because I don’t believe in trying.

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Just like this little miracle tree growing straight up out if thin air. “All is Possible”