An entirely different kind of freaking out!!!!!

OMG! OMG! OMG!!!!

I came out of toe-stand WITHOUT HANDS for the first time EVERRRRR tonight!!!!!!!!!!!

Listen, guys, I’ve been working on this for more than half my life!!! I grew up practicing at the most amazing studio. No, really, it’s just not your average Bikram experience. The owner, her dad and sister are all teachers, and the entire studio simply buzzes with this overwhelming sense of love and encouragement. They started showing me this one within my first year of practicing. Going down without hands has never been an issue. I can go down straight without bending at the waist too, but that weirds some teachers out, so I generally don’t.

As far as coming up… You know how teachers can sometimes see things building before we fully experience it? They’ve seen something in this transition for the past 15 years- the teachers from my home studio, local teachers, visiting teachers, posture clinics over and over and over people have seen this building, ready, rightthere, yet I have NEVER managed to master the execution!

Then BAM tonight, both sets!!! And the teacher missed them both!

I totally threw myself a yoga party in the mirror!

I’ve been eating. It’s like a non-issue. I had to take a break from recording, but I guarantee I’ve been close to the target number for the past several days. It’s a huge, terrifying number, and the mirror keeps screaming that I’m fat.

So be it.

It’s hard to hate on a body that can do such amazing things. In the past two weeks:
• I’ve started coming out of standing head to knee with control (not consistently, but it’s happening)
• I’m holding all 4 standing bows for all/most of the dialogue
• quit faking/half-assing through stick
• finally figured out how to get my elbows to my shins without falling on my face in head to floor
• stopped skipping triangle
• TOE TO TREE WITHOUT HANDS!!!!
• locust (3rd part)- one of these days I’ll get to the other side… But for now, I stay in the whole time.
• floor bow- it’s gonna happen y’all.
• full camel- I can see my freaking toes! I just have to get brave enough to go for it! I sooooo despise being reprimanded for trying. The teacher tonight flashed me some thumbs up after 2nd set. I doubt she’d mind if I tried.

So. Fat or not. I love yoga, and I’m proud of myself!

Especially tonight. I haven’t seen Dr. J in 10 days! Today I propped my computer up, and worked standing because my hips and shoulders hurt too much for sitting. I absolutely did NOT expect to bust out with an awesome practice!

I do bad things, and have strong yoga

I do bad things.
I take class under-fuled and in-hydrated.
I chug water after the final breathing, then run out on savasana to get rid of it before anyone else comes in the locker room.
I am mortified by this newest screwed up behavior. Why the hell can’t I control my damn self!?

Oddly, my practice was good tonight. I was sore, and had to work hard, but it was sore in the right places. I could stand quietly between sets. I was in control of my heart and breathing. It was not by any means effortless or what one might call “fun” but it was solid, the kind of class that you know can lead to wonderful things if maintained.

Plus, after class, Andy asked me about advanced, which was cool. When Amanda asked me the first time she said “you’ve gotten super tiny and super good, you should come to advanced.” I was well below normal at the time, and have lately been feeling too fat to try even if I could get the schedule worked out.

I practiced with a shirt on today, so I didn’t have to look at my marshmallow belly. I think it worked… But made me hot and gross.

Doubles Monday- Teenie makes a deal!!!

Today didn’t kick off with much potential.

* I woke up in for real pain. Whatever is going in with my hip is seriously not ok!

* My roommate is out of town for a few days, so the critter schedule is off. It’s confusing for the dogs, and for me.

* I gained weight, hit 19.5 BMI, which, you may recall, I was fairly adamant, would NOT be happening. As you can imagine, I was pissed.

* For some, unknown reason, I decided to eat a lot of nuts for breakfast… Which I instantly regretted.

I was really busy at work though, and didn’t have any time to lament. By the time I went to lunch, the rain had stopped, the sun was shining, I had a chiro appointment scheduled, and decided to see if I could alleviate some of my leg pain with a nice barefoot walk.

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Where I ran into these guys! Aren’t they cute!?

After I walked, I stretched.

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Seriously, what feels better than Fixed Firm? Yeah, pretty much nothing.

I felt better, and Doubles Monday was saved!!!

When I walked in, the guys were full of High 5s and “She’s here! It’s Doubles Monday!”

I had two STRONG classes, with some wall-walking, blocking, inverting and Plow between them.

Paul taught both. I love him (I love all of them)! As I was leaving, he had more High 5’s and told me he loves teaching when I’m in the room. I shrugged and told him I just love to practice. He asked me AGAIN about competing… This is becoming a daily discussion after class.

I told him probably not, because I have to work during advanced, and wouldn’t do it without being fully prepared (overachiever, are we surprised?). So he said he’d talk to Kate, about setting up a separate Advanced for the new studio specifically around my schedule!

It seems that Operation FLABBY ASS, might be back in business here, folks!!!

I remembered to have dinner before getting in the tub too! I made Mass Gainer (only option on doubles say), with almond milk, sweet potato sprouty and pumpkin pie spice. So autumnal and delicious for the start of spring!

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I’m under. But that’s a solid effort! No one can be too down on that!

A first!

Today I took my FOURTH Advanced class! I love feeling like a new kid all over again. I love to push myself. And I really love the friendly, supportive, interactive atmosphere that it creates. Today, we got distracted somewhere around Plow, and decided to go straight to inversions. Then just ended up playing around. It was neat to just experiment with the yoga, encourage each other and be inspired by the strengths that each person brought into the room with them.

On the way home, I suddenly wanted avocado. So I swung into Publix. The avocados didn’t look plate ready, they all needed more time. So I settled for some guac. I also got Brie and bell peppers. At home, I heated a veggie burger. While it was nuking I spread a little bit if guac and Brie on a tortilla, then shredded the heated patty and topped with peppers.

I LIKED IT! I liked it so much I decided to skip 6:30 class so I could eat a 2nd wrap. Eating has never ever been pleasurable for me. It’s just a horrible necessary chore. But, today I was all set to go hard core Thanksgiving, unbutton my pants stuff myself then pass out from all the food. This is a new experience for me. I think it’s pretty cool.

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Perspective

I’m at home. My childhood home. I have taken to driving down twice a month or so, to take classes at my home studio. I don’t exactly dislike and of the teachers/studios in my current town… There’s just no place like home.

A few things make this studio unique:
* I’ve known the owner since I was FIVE!!! She was my gymnastics teacher and knows me and my body and my personality unlike anyone else. She really knows how to push and motivate me.
* They have been teaching a long time and are able to give a lot of feedback and correction and even physical adjustments during class.
* They are family focused and just awesome.

Several months ago, when I started coming home, I was fishing for an advanced invite, and she told me my body was ready, but I wouldn’t be invited until I could love myself and everyone in the room the same…. In other words, no anorexics in advanced.

Last night, I took back to back doubles. And was still laughing and having a good time at the end of the 3rd hour. After class, she invited me to stay for advanced the next morning!!!!

I was telling her about my job and gaining weight to I could take advanced regularly, then my boss changing her mind and being completely devastated.

She was like
Dude. You are STRONG. Your practice is off the hook! You just pulled off GOOD doubles after a 3 hour drive! Don’t worry. Trust the universe. You gained, get stable. It’ll work out. But, most importantly, KEEP PRACTICING!

She is obviously right.

I stayed for advanced today. I can already feel my body changing. It was easier, stronger and more fun this time. I was able to push up into a forearm stand from a headstand. Kick up into a hand stand, on the wall, then tip off the wall and hold by myself for two minutes. All of my blocking and fingerstanding and handstand homework is ALREADY paying off! It’s sooo cool! My body is completely amazing! I am totally in love with it right now!

I can also headstand without hands!

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I DID IT!!!!!

I DID IT!!!!!!

I survived my first Advanced Class!!!!
I was warmly welcomed to the group, tried hard, learned A LOT, exceeded my expectations! Our local Champion was leading. She is just the sweetest, plus she signs! She I’m pretty good at following along, but she interpreted everything (that we had reasonable signs for) and it was nice, extra security, for my first time.

The studio owner didn’t stay, but before leaving she winked and said she was happy to have me.

So, really, everything I was worried about, ended up just fine. I just need to work on building some (ok, LOTS of) arm strength, and I have a feeling the rest will come, just like Beginning series, came slowly and naturally with consistency and the commitment to “try right”.

This studio is gorgeous and on the 2nd floor, overlooking the water, and palm trees waving in the windows. There is a dentist’s office on the first floor, and every time I practice here, I wonder if the can smell us, have to run their air cooler to compensate for our heaters, and if they can hear us falling out. I also have this funny, inside my head picture of their ceiling “leaking” during exceptionally drippy classes.

I am still in total shock. I can’t believe I FINALLY did it not just once, but will get to with regularity!

*I really need a WayMat though! My towel was sliding all over my mat.

Tomorrow is the big day!

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Tomorrow is THE big day!!! I’ve been waiting more than half my life for this moment and it’s FINALLY here!!!

Wedding?

Nope! Bikram Advanced Class!!! I’m sooo nervous! I’ve read every blog I can find… I’m not expecting to go in and rock it or anything.

My goals:
* Appreciate the moment, I have devoted hours, upon hours, upon years for this.
* I am ALREADY successful, my goal was to be invited to advanced, not be perfect at it.
* To try as much as possible
* To watch and be inspired by others who love this yoga with the same depth and passion as myself

Tonight I went for a short skate, stretched gently, picked out clothes, washed extra towels, fixed a light dinner and I’m already in bed with the lights off (it’s only 8pm). I am intentionally falling asleep with a bit of a caloric deficit to make sure I don’t wake up with a heavy tummy in the morning. Tomorrow, I’ll fuel up with a small yoga-safe breakfast of citrus, peanut butter and, of course… Skittles (I have 6 before every practice)!!!