Getting there… Slowly

I can’t believe how much my life has changed in the past 2 weeks!

I am so excited about, well, everything!!!! I prickle with awareness and hereness and gratefulness. I want to try all the food. I want to touch all the things. I want to watch movies and talk to people. I laugh so much.

It’s not all perfect, of course.

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I was eating this burrito at my desk, and it fell apart. No big deal, right? I don’t have an eating disorder. I get my c2 adjusted. I can totally deal with spilled burrito. It stayed on my desk, and I kept working.

When I looked down… I realized I had sorted and lined up my burrito guts instead of eating them… Whoops.

I also think things like
hmmm. I’d really like to make some macaroni and cheese, then stir peanut butter in. Or maybe have a pb and cheese sandwich.
But I’m not really sure if that’s ok. I’ve never seen anyone else do it.

Today, the girl from work invited me to the gym with her. I will skip yoga for that! 🙂 I am in love with connecting, and everyone around me. I’m not very good at it though. I think I got a little bit stuck somewhere around 8 – 12ish as disordered nonsense took control of me. I feel like I have a lot of catching up to do, and I’m counting on The Universe to guide me towards people who will be patient and understanding while I figure it out.

Today, I think I got pretty close to normal with the food. I had my almonds, a green smoothie with strawberry, banana, spinach, avocado, almond milk, protein powder and peanut butter. I had my citrus. Some coffee creamer- with coffee in it, 2 packets of emergen-C, a burrito and some raisins.

I got adjusted again today. I brought a picture of Andrea’s perfect standing bow

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And used it to point out the problems with mine. She totally got it and said she has already working on the things that trip me up!!! I also learned that my “hips” don’t hurt. The pain that I have, is from my SI joint- which is rotated!

My yoga was pretty good too! Standing series kicked ass! It was almost my normal deal, my friends were there and I was smily the whole time. My hip SI joint popped LOUD and painfully during wind removing and the floor series was better than it’s been, but less fun than the earlier part of class had been. I’ve been doing a lot of reading tonight, and I think I’m going to put myself on sit-up restriction for a while. They are not conducive to SI healing, and I always feel like the pain builds with each one until the end of class is nearly unbearable. Near the end of class tonight I caught my reflection in the mirror, my eyes were bright red and full of tears. I was hurting!

I am so thrilled to see where this newest adjustment (har har) guides my journey. I have a sense that something epic is about to occur.

OH!
And I tried dandelion tea!!!

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It tastes like Cheerios!!!

Amazing things happen for girls who are brave

Yesterday was so super awesome!!!!!! I saw tons of amazing yoga, got to introduce my cousins to my studio mates. Chris placed 8th!!!!! My great aunt came to see us. AND!!! It SNOWED!!!!!!! It was my first time ever seeing snow falling!

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Of course, that’s not to say the day was without challenges. I don’t have to eat lunch. That’s in The Rules. But my cousins don’t have eating disorders, and, therefore, have no aversion to lunch. I got really upset and couldn’t figure out how to explain myself, or what to do… Then Robyn said “if you don’t want to eat, that’s ok.” I calmed down, enjoyed the time spent with my cousins… And Emmy was dining a few tables down from us, which was pretty cool.

Getting to dinner was a fiasco, all by itself. I cried a whole bunch. But in the end, it worked out. We found a place. I ate this

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And liked it!!!

Today, we decided to take 8am yoga, so I had to figure out how to eat for morning practice (which is hard for me). But, we decided early enough, I had plenty if time to figure it out. I had some peanut butter when I woke up, for something to practice on. Then, burrito after practice to fuel up for the day. And I will make Sprouty pudding on the plane for my night time food. I’m really proud of myself for figuring all of this out. And managing to avoid any meal time drama for today. Plus, after our burritos, I didn’t finish (they are HUGE), and told Robyn “it’s ok. That’s good.” She smiled real big at me, and agreed.
I did a good job, and I’m pretty excited about it!!!!

Happy little bendy!!!

Just in case I had any reservations about this upcoming trip… My super cuz, just e-mailed me the website to her burrito place (I didn’t ask)!!! I need to know this kind of stuff. Like, really. Eating is hard, eating spontaneously is impossible. Maybe Eventually, in the future, that will change (Bikram doesn’t say “maybe in the future spine will be flat to the floor. He just promises that the impossible is attainable. I can apply that to myself.

Eventually, in the future:
– I can eat spontaneously
– I can throw away the scale
– I feel happy with myself
– I am healthy and normal

Eventually, in the future…