Stupid girl!

I am dumb.

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Purple cauliflower turns blue when cooked.

I can’t eat food that is blue.

I really wanted to do good and eat lunch today.

I can’t eat this.

It’s blue.

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I guess there’s a human in there after all….

I got adjusted today!

I had musli with plain almond milk for breakfast. I have sweetened soy milk in the house right now, for something I’m going to cook (probably) tonight. It’s so thick and rich and delicious… And 3x the calories of almond milk! I couldn’t convince myself to have it with breakfast. So every watery, almondy, musli bite was disappointing and irritating. But, for the first time all week, I was ok after I ate it.

THEN! About an hour later, I got really cold and had a cup of coffee to warm up. Almost instantly, my normal, anxious, painful, OMG-I-need-to-barf-right-NOW “breakfast feeling” returned. Usually, I have everything all together, as soon as I get to work, so I don’t have to stop what I’m doing later in the morning. After today, I think I should try eliminating coffee from my morning routine and see if breakfast gets easier. I can get pick up some of those camping hot hand thingies this weekend for when the office gets too cold instead.

We were slammed all morning, every time I tried to get up, someone was standing at my desk with a new problem, until it was time to leave for the chiropractor.

Everything was out! She was cracking up and kept saying “Seriously! I’d LOVE to know how you do this in just 7 days!” She’s out if town again next week, so I’m seeing her Tuesday… But I’m going to have to fight with my boss for it. 14 days is just way too scary!

Afterwards, of course, I stopped to for a special lunch. I already had it in mind that I wanted to try a Bananadog. I picked up a banana, almond butter, and tortillas. I ended up deciding on the GF ones, in continued support of my cousin. They also had more than double the calories of the tortillas I’d normally pick and Laura writes “stop worrying about calories!” In every e-mail.

… Sorry y’all

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This was simply not eatable.
Then I thought, I’d just eat the banana… But it was all touching and overwhelming and disgusting. So I threw the whole mess away.

I filled my water 4 times and had that dehydrated headachy feeling that sometimes comes after getting adjusted.

Yoga was GREAT!
Well, I missed the lizards. But Mr. Creepy was also absent. The room was perfect, hot, drippy, quiet. My body was flexible and happy. I came ALL. THE. WAY. OUT of standing head to knee with control!!!! My bows lined up. I actually tried and stayed in for stick. Head to floor is probably my most wishy-washy posture. I N E V E R know what it’s going to feel like. Tonight was decent- not perfect, but not crappy either. I survived all 4 triangles. It takes a few weeks to get the hips fully back into place, the left side still hurts, but it’s mind pain.

I used 1 finger to come out of toe-stand. I haven’t done it 100% hands free since that one night.

Floor series was good, strong, flexible, fun!

International yoga asana championship competition this weekend!!!! Watch the live stream on usayoga.org! I can’t wait!!!!

Well, at least I know where I am….

I had another solid class tonight. Nothing stellar, and still felt like a marshmallow. It was familiar- several months regressed, but recognizable nonetheless. I can look at today’s practice and say “ok. I know what this is. I know that with consistency and proper effort, I can build back to regularly occurring smiley, giggly yoga. I’m sore, but not in pain. I learned a lot about the difference with my hips the past two months. What was going on wasn’t just sore, it was malfunction, and by trying to push forward I actually ended up impeding the progression of my yoga. One of my friends is doing the same exact thing now. It is frustrating to watch. She is miserable in class. She is in pain. She is trying EVERYTHING she can think of to deal with the pain… Instead of addressing the actual problem. I gave her Dr. J’s card. I wish she’d use it.

I noticed tonight that I stop, and/or wince at the places I had been hitting painful resistance in my hips and shoulders. It’s mental. I have no pain, and appear to have maintained my flexibility. I have plenty of room to keep going… But I stop where the pain was. Just one of those quirky hot room issues to work through, I guess.

Yoga isn’t the only place I have suddenly located familiar territory. Know how I’ve said I got stuck somewhere around 8-12ish? I came home from yoga tonight and was getting ready to do my usual turbo shower, jammies, straight to bed… Until it dawned on me. I have my own bathroom for the first time in my adult life. I have my own bedroom for the first time in my adult life. I am the only keeper of my own time.

I have spent years rushing to conserve water, maximize efficiency and take up as little space as possible. I do what I have to do then focus all of my energy on keeping out of the way and avoiding conflict.

I don’t have to rush, or hide in my bed here. I don’t have anyone to fight with. And no one here will make fun of anything I do (Avery can’t talk). I have the opportunity to catch up and learn how to be girly now.

Tonight I took a bath with some purple foamy stuff. I took the time to brush my hair. I tried some firming face mask (for the first time ever), and I painted my toenails sparkley and pink. These are all things that, I assume, are fairly unexceptional by the late twenties. I’m also pretty sure most of my friends are opting for professional dark reds or neutrals when it comes to nail painting… But I’m 8. I’m catching up. I wear closed toe shoes to work. No one has to know how far behind I really am.

I do bad things, and have strong yoga

I do bad things.
I take class under-fuled and in-hydrated.
I chug water after the final breathing, then run out on savasana to get rid of it before anyone else comes in the locker room.
I am mortified by this newest screwed up behavior. Why the hell can’t I control my damn self!?

Oddly, my practice was good tonight. I was sore, and had to work hard, but it was sore in the right places. I could stand quietly between sets. I was in control of my heart and breathing. It was not by any means effortless or what one might call “fun” but it was solid, the kind of class that you know can lead to wonderful things if maintained.

Plus, after class, Andy asked me about advanced, which was cool. When Amanda asked me the first time she said “you’ve gotten super tiny and super good, you should come to advanced.” I was well below normal at the time, and have lately been feeling too fat to try even if I could get the schedule worked out.

I practiced with a shirt on today, so I didn’t have to look at my marshmallow belly. I think it worked… But made me hot and gross.

Restoring order

I can’t believe how instant and completely Dr. J can change things for me!!!

I left her office and went straight to Publix to find some lunch. We ran a bit long today because my shoulder was pretty determined to remain dysfunctional. Then, we realized she forgot to do my wrists and elbows (and you though chiropractors only played with spines), which I NEEED like an addict. OMG! Seriously, I need to teach Avery how to adjust my elbows. It’s going to be a mandatory prerequisite for my future spouse too.

Anyhow, I was a little late getting back to work…

**Side note**
I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned here, but I am CONSTANTLY in trouble for being late. Now, part of that was living in the village and having a long ass commute. Part if it had to do with breakfast wars. And Pinterest might be a tiny bit to blame on occasion as well.

So, I could have made it, if I’d gone straight from Dr. J, back to the office. But “Ding Dong, the MV’s gone!” I was getting some food, damn it! I e-mailed my supervisor and let her know. Then, when I got back I was giving her my times for next week, and told her I’d gotten back late because we ran a bit long and I HAD to eat. She smiled and told me not to worry about it on those days.

My ears were poppy and my equilibrium was completely off again in yoga today… I’m pretty sure the last time I had a yoga-on-the-high-seas-practice was also my first class post adjustment last week.

Tonight, Avery and I baked brownies!

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Don’t worry! I keep her safe when I open the oven door!

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But, since puppies can’t have brownies,

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We made cheese eggs too!

Avery likes coconut peanut butter too 😉

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I like brownies!!!

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I haven’t been able to cook anything because the sink wasn’t working when I moved in. But today I came home to this,

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How totally sweet are the maintenance dudes at my new digs?