Amazing things happen for girls who are brave

Yesterday was so super awesome!!!!!! I saw tons of amazing yoga, got to introduce my cousins to my studio mates. Chris placed 8th!!!!! My great aunt came to see us. AND!!! It SNOWED!!!!!!! It was my first time ever seeing snow falling!

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Of course, that’s not to say the day was without challenges. I don’t have to eat lunch. That’s in The Rules. But my cousins don’t have eating disorders, and, therefore, have no aversion to lunch. I got really upset and couldn’t figure out how to explain myself, or what to do… Then Robyn said “if you don’t want to eat, that’s ok.” I calmed down, enjoyed the time spent with my cousins… And Emmy was dining a few tables down from us, which was pretty cool.

Getting to dinner was a fiasco, all by itself. I cried a whole bunch. But in the end, it worked out. We found a place. I ate this

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And liked it!!!

Today, we decided to take 8am yoga, so I had to figure out how to eat for morning practice (which is hard for me). But, we decided early enough, I had plenty if time to figure it out. I had some peanut butter when I woke up, for something to practice on. Then, burrito after practice to fuel up for the day. And I will make Sprouty pudding on the plane for my night time food. I’m really proud of myself for figuring all of this out. And managing to avoid any meal time drama for today. Plus, after our burritos, I didn’t finish (they are HUGE), and told Robyn “it’s ok. That’s good.” She smiled real big at me, and agreed.
I did a good job, and I’m pretty excited about it!!!!

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O.M.B(ikram)!!!!!

OMG!!!! I’m totally… Well, let me just apologize now in case this comes out all discombobulated!

I’ve had plans since October to drive to meet a friend in New Orleans next weekend. The night I found out about Jarrett, we had a small cyber “spat” via text message, that went something like:
Friend: text. Text. Text.
Me: NOT a good time!!!!
(A few hours pass)
Me: I think I might leave a few hours later.
Friend: maybe I’ll just cancel the trip.
Me: that’s ridiculous, everything is all set up. It’s just a few hours, not a big deal.
Friend: why didn’t you tell me earlier you were changing everything!!!!!!???
Me: because I told you as soon as I knew. Just chill the fuck out, I’m still working on it! (Ok, that wasn’t the nicest thing ever)
Friend: I am bowing out of this trip.

Meh I guess I deserved that, right? The truth is, I hate driving. Gas prices are insane. The thought of going Thursday to Sunday with only 1 yoga scares me. Trying to eat away from home feels practically impossible… Especially with this particular friend, who is very dedicated and having great success with a highly regimented weight loss program, where she can pretty much only eat veggies, string cheese and her packaged shakes and snacks. Eating together was challenging when she came to visit in September, and I was in a MUCH better place food wise at the time. So, I figure the universe is trying to agree with me, and saying that this trip would be more than I can handle, and decide not to let it upset me.

Over the weekend, she did text me to let me know she was still going. I let her know I was still not.

Meanwhile, wayyyy up in the cold Northeast, my yoga-lovin’ cousins were planning a weekend road trip to nationals, and launched a massive text campaign trying to persuade me to drive up. It wasn’t gonna happen… For all the same reasons I didn’t want to drive 8 hours to New Orleans, I definitely didn’t want to drive 16 hours to New York, and plane tickets were absolutely not feasible- I checked.

This morning, I logged into my work e-mail, and was greeted by PLANE TICKETS TO NEW YORK!!!!!! They had frequent flier points that they weren’t using, and set the whole thing up for me!!!!! I am like… Beside myself!!!!

They are actually my mother’s first cousins (my first cousins once removed?) and I haven’t seen them in FOREVER!!!! I’m excited just to see and spend time with them, the fact that they love yoga just as much as me, and want to go watch the competition is just a bonus! One of my cousins is a nurse, and did some clinicals on an ED unit. She knows that I am anorexic, and has been an extremely positive and supportive voice in my efforts to get better. She is fully aware of my serious love of burritos and has already checked the hours of her favorite burrito joint. I think I will be able to have a more successful travel experience with her, than the other friend.

The little girl from daycare has been heavy on my mind today and inadvertently served as quite the inspiration

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Albeit, a less than positive one. Excellent, I’m now swapping starvation strategies with a kindergartner. Anorexia is a strange beast.

Interestingly, however I busted out some rockin’ back-to-back doubles tonight!!!! Like the absolute best classes I’ve had since reaching a safe weight. I was really strong and happy, balanced, stable and flexible. It felt FREAKING AMAZING!!!

During the second class, the teacher had me get on the podium and do standing-head-to-knee!!! I still don’t exactly come out with control, but I do, consistently reach the final expression, and tonight, I happened to be the only person in the room who could.

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Standing-head-to-knee (Andrea’s, not mine)

After the first class, I was talking to a, very experienced, regular with a beautiful practice, and she called me “superstar” then said “you are so skinny, I hate you.” (Thanks, lady, I hate myself too) I told her not to, that I have a hard time too.

After the second class, 4 more people, at different times, came up to me and called me “superstar” too. I don’t particularly care for that kind of attention, and in case they haven’t noticed, our studio is sending FOUR competitors to nationals, and I am not one of them!!! I think everyone who shows up for class and tries is a “superstar”. This yoga is no cake walk, I admire anyone who sticks with it.